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posted by G at 10:54 PM   | (0) comments

Busy weekend...

Well, yesterday's Thanksgiving dinner was nice. My family went to the Fong's house to dine and I had my fill of turkey, prime rib, garlic mashed potatoes, yams, ice cream, and pie (pecan, yum). The usual suspects were also there like the Jue family, Auntie Deanna, and several of extended uncles, aunts, and cousins. Chris was also there, up in town from LA, probably to escape the horror of cooking for himself for Thanksgiving, heh.

Like the war-crack addict I am, I lugged my computer up to the house so Jay and I could play craft online with the all the advantages of a team on a LAN - we can see each other's screens, and talk to each other instead of typing. We also played some Tactical Ops: AOT too, which I haven't played in awhile, but was fun neverless. Ah, the joys of a Desert Eagle and a shottie.

Today, Shiv gracious picked me up to visit Josh and Val out east in Issaquah. We ate lunch at Fat Burger (my first time) and in gluttoness-self, despite the previous night's feast, wolfed down a fat burger, fries, and a drink. Oh yeah, Shiv gave me her fries to eat too, heh heh. Josh and I are planning the organized rec/games for the kids for the upcoming youth retreat, so while we sat 'n' spat idea-age, Shiv and Val hung out and talked... that was before "the puzzle".

While Josh and I were still brainstorming/writing ideas down, the Shiv and Val dug out a 750 piece puzzle of some Chinese painting and start to piece it together. Josh and I finished our meeting, only to be ensnared by the lure trying to finish the puzzle... about 5 hours later, we're still working on it, pretty much completing the 80% of the puzzle, the only 20% remaining being some patches of the background sky and the birds in it. I found a jpg of the picture online, "The Weaving Maiden" by Caroline Young:



Nice, eh? The painful part was putting together the bottom part of the maiden's dress, a swirl of folds, wrinkles, and flowers on purple. I wonder if Josh and Val finished it by now.

Shiv commented that she learned something new about me while watching me do the puzzle. While she likes to play with the pieces hands-on, randomly trying different combinations, I would methodically look at the big picture and try to fill in the gaps by examining the box to see what picture was on the missing piece. I would continue looking for that same piece until I found it, while Shiv would usually move on to looking for another piece if she couldn't find it after 5 minutes.

Yeah, I can be stubborn...
posted by G at 11:44 PM   | (0) comments

Happy Thanksgiving...

In a season in my life where I'm tempted to be ungrateful (a temptation I sadly succumb to quite often these days), the better part of me is reminded that part of enjoying this life is being thankful.

So in no particular order, off the top of near hair-less noggin, I'm thankful for:

-my Creator, my Savior, His character, and His friendship

-being born into a Christian family, with parents whose lives mirrored what they believed without hypocrisy

-having a father who modeled for me that a real man is a man of faith, a person filled with compassion for the weak, and someone who is unafraid to defend what is right

-being born into a family who was never ashamed of being ethnically Chinese, while culturally being Chinese American

-growing up with friends who are as close as the brothers I never had but always wished for

-having a best friend in my life who sees my faults and the ugliness inside, and yet, still chooses to love me and lets me love her... even without me being able to dance

-my church family, all the uncles, aunties, brothers, and sisters I could ever want

-living in the most prosperous, richest country on Earth today

-being able to attend and graduate college on a full scholarship

-my health and that I can walk in rain or sun

-the air I breathe, the water I drink, and the food I eat is clean relative to what others must endure

-the gift of music, being able to enjoy the sound of another person's voice and the funky sounds of instruments

-the gift of eating, the pleasure of being able to taste my cereal, a piece of steamed fish, fine Asian cuisine... or just a cold glass of OJ

-the gift of laughter, and the ability to laugh at myself


I guess I have more to be thankful for than I thought... ^_^
posted by G at 3:02 PM   | (0) comments

Full...

I just got back from the AACF sushi night 'bout half hour ago, lots of fun and good eats. It was nice seeing a lot of friends I haven't seen since I graduated last year winter, which seems like a long time ago. This year the party was held at Donny's house, which turns out be to actually within a half hour of my house... just much further down good 'ol Petrovitsky road. Pretty phat pad, even if it's in the middle of the dark, dark woods... whoooooooooo

Anyways, a bunch of fellas were hanging out late, playing cards and Tekken4, while devouring the remaining food. Good stuff.

Busy weekend coming up...
posted by G at 2:36 AM   | (0) comments

Does stress cause you to have white nose hairs?

I dunno, but I found one anyway and yanked it.
posted by G at 4:02 PM   | (0) comments

I'm a bad, bad man...

I like eating old maids from popcorn... you know those un-popped kernels left over, that are supposed to be bad for your teeth? Yeah, I have a weird fascination for chewing on them... I'll probably have dentures someday.

Tuesday night's meeting for planning the youth retreat went fine. We discussed the various details, everything from transportation to the kids who will be in small groups. Funny topic for the night was the issue of "security"... having counselors walking around the camp to make sure the kids aren't off by themselves smoking, drinking, or making out. The kids from my church are pretty good, so I guess the only thing we'll have to watch for is the latter of the three... hahaha, "Make Out Patrol". Funny stuff.

Today is the annual AACF Sushi Night, the group's pre-Thanksgiving ritual of making and eating sushi together. I ain't in college any more, but I'm still going. Nice to have friends who are willing to hook a brother up, heh heh.

I should go to sleep...
posted by G at 2:54 AM   | (0) comments

My day is starting off waaaay too early... groggy thoughts

Have you ever tried going to sleep with one of those funny kinks in your back? You keep rolling around, trying to find the right "position" that will give you relief, but you never find it? Yet you still keep rolling around, in a futile attempt to get rid of the kink?

Yeah, I've been doing that these last few hours. I gave up, got a bowl of cereal, and here I am.

Strangely, I find my life to be like that at times. There always seems to be so sort of ache or pain in it, something I can't locate or pinpoint. I flail around, turn things over in my mind trying to figure out the cause of it, but I'm never satisfied. I grit my teeth to bear it, but in quiet moments, it nags. My relief used to be looking forward to a future day when it'd more bearable, but here I am... that same dull ache in the bottom of my heart.

Considering things, I always try to convince myself it's an illusion, that I'm being irrational. There's rigid stubbornness to irrationality thoough... it's like "dream logic". Sorta like when you're dreaming and you see something completely ridiculous like a sofa flying around with wings, but you don't question it because your mind is stuck in the dream... that's "dream logic".

I need emancipation from my current state of mind. I suppose part of the frustration I have is I know that emancipation can only come from God, and yet, I'm not being granted it. Sure, I can play War-crack until my eyes fall out and I can drink myself into a stupor, but those are just temporary balms to my wound. Keeping busy isn't helping as much as it used to... volunteer work, reading, kendo, personal projects... things are starting to feel stale. My daily prayers feel ridiculous, almost comical.

My church is having a youth retreat coming up and counseling. Several of my high school kids have just recently become Christians by making a personal confession of faith and this will be a chance to talk them and find out where they're at. I'm a bit fearful though... I don't want my current disillusionment to spread to them. I'm sure some of the kids have this impression that I'm some sort of saint, but right now I feel more like Job, without a j-o-b. ha.

It's almost been a full year since I graduated... 4 more months and I can make the fantastic claim of a full year of unemployment. Joy of joys, wh00t. =P

Picked up a new book from the library to read this weekend, another Yancey book for my brain and soul... Disappointment with God.
posted by G at 6:25 AM   | (0) comments

People hate Mondays.

I don't.
posted by G at 11:58 PM   | (0) comments

Full... oof...

My church had its Thanksgiving celebration tonight at Chinese buffet actually near my house here in Renton. I loaded up on lots of seafood, but the real gem I found was these Chinese-style honey garlic porkchops... mmm. Had a bowl of sherbet ice cream for dessert.
posted by G at 9:36 PM   | (0) comments

Zzz...

I hate it when I fall asleep with my contacts on.

Under the flickering blue light of the television, my lanky frame was strewn across the couch. The melancholy jazz of Cowboy Bebop stirred me from my slumber. For most of today, my stomach was doing high kicks to the rest of my internal organs, which makes me think I'm sick again... crap. I hate the physical symptoms and the fatigue of being sick.

Oof, can't be late to church tomorrow... I'm singing for the "For the Beauty of the Earth" with choir...

Shoot, I feel pissy and I haven't even had the pleasure of a drink...

*stumbles upstairs to bedroom*
posted by G at 1:29 AM   | (0) comments

HUSKIES UPSET COUGARS IN TRIPLE OVERTIME

Everybody loves an underdog... my unranked alma mater, UW somehow pulled out a win over number 3 WSU.

boo yeah
posted by G at 9:38 PM   | (0) comments

I just back from the new Bond flick about an hour and a half ago.

I probably should be asleep, but the sensual images keep running through my mind... the smooth lines, the curves...



^Oh man. The Aston Martin Vanquish... niiiiiiiiiice. I'll never drive one, but I can look... heh

The only beasts more sexy than that in the movie were the guns like Walther P99. I also noticed the villian in the opening scene of the movie using a mock-up of the OICW, the US Army's future infantrymen to replace the M16.

Glad to see that Hollywood is keepin up with the times and keeping the toys current.
posted by G at 2:50 AM   | (0) comments

Funny how Linkin Park songs always remind me of my family...

"points of authority" by Link Park

Forfeit the game
Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame
And puts your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last

You love the way... I look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through
You take away... if I give in
My life, my pride is broken

You like to think you're never wrong... You live what you�ve learned
You have to act like you're someone... You live what you�ve learned
You want someone to hurt like you... You live what you�ve learned
You want to share what you've been through... You live what you�ve learned

You love the things... I say I'll do
The way I'll hurt myself again just to get back at you
You take away... when I give in
My life, my pride is broken

You like to think you're never wrong... You live what you�ve learned
You have to act like you're someone... You live what you�ve learned
You want someone to hurt like you... You live what you�ve learned
You want to share what you've been through... You live what you�ve learned

Forfeit the game
Before somebody else
Takes you out of the frame
And puts your name to shame
Cover up your face
You can't run the race
The pace is too fast
You just won't last

You like to think you're never wrong... You live what you�ve learned
You have to act like you're someone... You live what you�ve learned
You want someone to hurt like you... You live what you�ve learned
You want to share what you've been through... You live what you�ve learned

You like to think you're never wrong... You live what you�ve learned
You have to act like you're someone... You live what you�ve learned
You want someone to hurt like you... You live what you�ve learned
You want to share what you've been through... You live what you�ve learned
posted by G at 3:14 PM   | (0) comments

dam maat

Garrett you drink too fast. The whole pint already gone. At about a buck a can, you shoulda bought more.
posted by G at 2:19 AM   | (0) comments

Up late...

Just got back Shiv's house and my small group meeting, I decided to stop by the grocery store on a whim for some munchies. Got me some cashews and a can of Sparks... damn good stuff. I love the taste of guarana... reminds me of Brasil. It seems like a lifetime ago I was there.

Drinking alcohol, eating nuts, and sitting at my computer... Garrett continues his un-ashamed romp to the lowest dregs of society.

Props to Mr. Onda1 who's intrepid taste first recommended Sparks.
posted by G at 1:48 AM   | (0) comments

On regret...

A friend found this article posted it on a message board I visit. Interesting stuff.
posted by G at 3:38 PM   | (0) comments

Munch munch...

I'm eating my usual late night cereal, all in a vain attempt to distract me from the incredibly nasty smell of burnt food. I came home too late to question my Mom about what happened, but knowing her, she probably busy sewing or doing something upstairs and forgot she had the stove on... 1 pot is blackened, and in the garbage, I can make the blasted remains of a couple hot dogs. Oops. Guess every good cook has their off days...

Anyway, I had a meeting for the New Gen web team tonight. It was just me, Jason, Joel, and Kok, so it was coo... hung out, watched basketball, and some TV. Not that much too do since the next rally is limbo because of complications in nailing down a location. Christmas is a busy time of the year for churches, with kids' programs, music concerts... I can't believe December is almost here and that my choir is doing Handel's Messiah. I guess that makes this year special, sorta...

Random note:

I finally got cracking on my "bike" project a few days ago. I found an old mountain / trail bike in my garage, so I've been cleaning it up. Gave it a new paint job, thanks to a cheap can of Ace Hardware flat black enamel spray paint. Gotta spray sealing coat and then maybe I'll give it a spin when the weather is less rainy... might be awhile though, knowing Seattle winters...


posted by G at 3:08 AM   | (0) comments

Still sore...

I hate that dull ache in my arms, shoulders, calves, and feet after a hard kendo practice... I also discovered a nice bruise on my right side, after a couple people tried to strike my do and missed. Ow...
posted by G at 6:19 PM   | (0) comments

Feeling guilty on the internet while looking at...

...job sites. Something about it makes me feel dirty... it's a weird sensation, wh0ring myself to companies. Maybe I'm still too damn proud. What is it about Chinese men and being proud?

Well, despite my lack of confidence recently, I fired off another resume/cover letter to a prospective job just now. My first one in a couple of weeks, so we'll see how it goes. My new policy about job hunting is to tell my mother NOTHING. I love dear ol' mama, but besides the crapload of questions she asks me when I mention I'm applying to a job ("How much does it pay? Where is it? What are you going to do?"), telling my mom about any prospective job offers just seems to be plain bad luck. I'm not normally a superstitious guy, but that's the pattern. Freak'n Deloitte job was supposed to be a straight shot, and that went to the crapper, even after two rounds of interviews. Yep, no more informing the moms... it's Jame Bond style now: everything on a need to know basis.

In a completely unrelated note, somebody suggested to me I put a 'comments' thingie on my blog. I've thought about it, but after some short consideration, I decided not. Besides being too lazy to implement it all, I've decided to remain the selfish little tyrant of this blog, el dictator supreme-o of its content. I've never had a problem with megalomania (unlike my pal Forrest, haha), but I figure since I'm such a kind, well-mannered, and accommodating soul in real life, this blog is my little selfish treasure to write whatever the hell I want.

But hey, if all of you mysterious people who visit this thing every once inawhile want to shoot me an e-mail, that's cool. I always enjoy mail. Just don't be stupid or rude, or stupid and rude. Otherwise, I'm obliged to verbally tear you a new one like Mr. April 22nd.
posted by G at 4:54 AM   | (0) comments

s o r e...

Kendo practice was pretty killer tonight. It probably didn't help that I haven't been to practice these past two weeks, but still... there some seriously tough conditioning drills tonight. Right after warm-ups, sensei had us do three sets of this new 100-strike sho-men-uchi (strike to head) drill... swinging around a sword would seem pretty easy, but after doing it 300 times at a controlled, brisk pace... I thought my arms were gonna fall off. Of course, there was also the requisite attack practice drill, some waza (technique) practice, and everyone's favorite, jigeiko (open sparring). The 300 strike drill had me pretty winded for the whole practice, so my form was horrendous the rest of the night. After two and half hours of practice, my body was singing hallelujah when 9:30 rolled around.

Random kendo picture I bit off another site, heh:


The Renton Taikai (tournament) is rolling around, but I'm not going to be able to go... the Fall Youth Retreat is that same weekend, poop. I hate it when things are double booked. =(
posted by G at 11:08 PM   | (0) comments

Looking for the medical tape... and then, off to kendo practice to get smacked around...
posted by G at 6:25 PM   | (0) comments

An excerpt from my friend Justin tearing up the mic... read the rest here.

I never meant to worry my family, I was trying to identify/
With the blood in me that I ignored and had always set aside/
Internal genocide resulting from struggling to indemnify/
The ignorance of my Korean blood on which I still survive/
For a time I vowed to not be seen with Caucasian relatives/
Blindness to my own roots led to many nights of restlessness/
Confused by AZN Pryde and other senseless propaganda/
Clung to anything Asian to close in on what I was after/
But for ingratiating a group of Vietnamese that was emaciated/
I was laughed at, spat on and utterly humiliated/
"Fake Asian," "Slim Shady," "Twinkie" and other epithets/
All from the mouths of kids who couldn�t even compose sentences/
Yet for not being "Asian enough," I�m still hated for my features/
Intimidated and shitted on by racist demeanors/
The closet white supremacists won�t befriend anyone foreign/
And the politics aren�t favoring me but are actually ignoring/
Trapped in a paradox, too internally white to be Asian/
Trapped in a paradox, too externally yellow to be Caucasian
posted by G at 4:06 AM   | (0) comments

Random stuff:

Conan O'Brien is awesome. I'm watching and right now, he's interviewing the voice of Spongebob Squarepants... who also happens to be the voice of the narrator and the mayor of Powerpuff Girls. Nifty.

Made a Warcraft3 battle report here. Yeah, height of nerd-dom.
posted by G at 1:22 AM   | (0) comments

I need a new keyboard.

Damn UT2003 demo with its double-jumping... my spacebar is now half-broken and sticks to the keyboard gi ving m e ext ra spac es l ike t h i s.
posted by G at 2:28 AM   | (0) comments

Link-age roundup...

• If you've ever wanted to really understand your dog... doggie translator.
  
  
• Someone catch this bastard and give him a double tap to the head... Serial Rapist Targeting Asian Women in BA
  
  
• This joke site cracks me up. There should be an Asian American version of... Black People Love Us!.
  

posted by G at 8:25 PM   | (0) comments

when I write, my pencil breaks against the paper/
thoughts pulled from vapor, I'm a mental illustrator/
I only got one thing on my head like Frida Kahlo/
it's my sickness to spit on the pity in which I wallow/
why at present are these eyes of mine broken?/
miracles are veiled and my sight is un-opened/
to put it this way, I'm always caught looking back/
left living hopeless, you only see what you lack/
from misfortune's lips, no one craves a kiss/
but discontentment is the flaw we mar ourselves with/
peace passes to chaos and emptiness is felt/
wounded by the world, but some damage is self-dealt/
flay my heart with sorrow and seek drink as my vice/
is hitting bottom loathing compassion and life?/
God grant me hope, because everything is empty/
save me with love, as this bitterness tempts me...


Inspired by this.
posted by G at 3:13 AM   | (0) comments

Relaxed...

It was a nice day today... not so much in terms in weather, just mood and activities.

Shiv came over early and I made her breakfast, making sure especially not scorch the bacon like last time... haha. I forget at times my Mom's nice gas range is much better than the ghetto electric one I had back at the apt. We just relaxed, chatted, and watched some TV. Afternoonish, we went to the local dollar store to buy some more of those cheap-o wine glasses for her decorating project.

Evening was BASIC of course, which went aight. Tonight's topic was on dating, so of course there were plenty of funny stories (and nervous high schooler laughter, heh). I got to know some of kung-fu clique guys better... one of them tried to demonstrate some of the fundamentals of the chain whip to me, heh. Weapons at church... haha. I suppose I should admonish the kids about that, but they come straight from kung-fu practice... they're not coming to assault people, heh.

Kenny also shared with the leaders that his medical problems have taken a turn for the worst. I pray everything turns out for the best in the next series of tests the doctors are running... but things definitely don't sound good. At least he's finally lightening in schedule a bit by dropping a class. Between, school at the UW, work, and helping with ministry stuff like BASIC, he could use the rest.

Random note:

My taste for War-crack has temporarily gone on hiatus. I've been playing a lot of this game I bought off eBay for pretty much a song. It's a turn-based game that's primarily single player... reminds me a bit of a combination of Master of Magic and Ogre Battle. In any case, the levels are loooong, but having the game being turned-based leads to a more relaxing rhythm - I can actually eat while I play this game since I don't have to constantly be clicking around and ordering units like in War-crack, heh. A lot more patience and thought are required too, but that's OK.

I finally beat a level that I've been working on since Tuesday. It took me a 178 turns to beat it... if you figure about 7 minutes a turn, that's 1246 total minutes or about 20 hours worth of time... you figure I've been 5 days since I started the level on Tuesday, so that's like 4 hours I've spent on the game each day. Yeah, I'm a freak. <=P

This bum needs to find a jobby-job... but at least until I find one, I got something to keep me busy...
posted by G at 12:06 AM   | (0) comments

Got the cookies, the milk, the cereal... nice.

Treats make inner Garrett happy and sleepy.
posted by G at 2:21 AM   | (0) comments

Not a people person.

Lately, I just don't have the patience to deal with difficult people. My cup of misery is already filled enough as it is without having others add to it. People just have a penchant for pissing me off. I have no sympathy...

I don't care if you think you're better than other people.

I don't care if you think you're smarter than people.

Hell, I also don't care if you're my mother and it's your goddamn time of the month or if you're some punk I know from back in the day.

Violate my love for peaceful solitude and you risk your health.

I'd write more, but I instead I'll go dream of kicking people in the teeth in the midst of my seething, quiet storm, passive-aggressive anger. Sometimes I wish I was less of nice guy. If I had no conscience, it'd be a lot easier to be uninhibited and enjoy beating people down verbally/physically. Nothing quite like administering a good arse whoopin' to relieve rage.

Hmph. >=(

(edit. rage makes for some poor grammar and spelling)
posted by G at 4:19 PM   | (0) comments

Mmmm... oh yes.

Simo brought over his PS2 to my house after Bible study, so he, Dennis, and I are having fun trying to transfer our Tekken 3 skillz to Tekken 4. Lots of fun, makes me want to save up for a PS2 to buy it. I didn't start playing the Tekken series until Tekken 3, and man... I played that game ALOT my freshman year in college. I loved it. Tekken 4 definitely is better than Tekken Tag, the "bastard" stand-between.

Bible study was aight tonight. Tonight was one of those nights where appreciated talking to the guys and hanging out more than the material we were talking about. And one point though, things were definitely weird... don't you hate it when somebody sticks in a random TMI (too much information) AKA over-share (a Steph term I'll borrow)? Like completely off-topic and out of the blue?

Yeah, the silence was deafening. I'm always dumbfounded into silence when people ambush me with over-shares. It's all good, though... the person with the over-share was easy to forgive, given the fact he sorta is going through some socialization problems right now.
posted by G at 12:22 AM   | (0) comments

"Shook Ones Pt II" by Mobb Deep
A Short Interpretive Dissertation by G. G. Chan, PHD (PlayaHaterDegree)

[Prodigy]
I got you stuck off the realness, we be the infamous
you heard of us
official Queensbridge murderers
the Mobb comes equipped with warfare, beware
of my crime family who got nuff shots to share
for all of those who wanna profile and pose
rock you in your face, stab your brain wit' your nosebone

The stark reality of my music has your attention. Our reputation proceeds us and you are aware of our existence as representatives of Queenbridge. We are armed, so I advise you to be cautious of my felonious associates who eager to use their firearms. Any individuals who act pretentious can expect to be attacked in the face and have their shattered bone matter penetrate their brain.

you all alone in these streets, cousin
every man for theirself in this land we be gunnin'
and keep them shook crews runnin'
like they supposed to
they come around but they never come close to
I can see it inside your face
you're in the wrong place
cowards like you just get they're whole body laced up
with bullet holes and such,
speak the wrong words man and you will get touched

You are without aid in this urban area, where individuals are self-serving. Those who are fearful of us are kept constantly fleeing for their lives. They attempt to compete with us, but their efforts fall short. As I look at you, I can sense your apprehension at the error of your current geographic location. People who lack bravery such as yourself frequently find their physical person violated by exit wounds from firearms. Err in your speech and you will be shot.

you can put your whole army against my team and
I guarantee you it'll be your very last time breathin'
your simple words just don't move me
you're minor, we're major
you all up in the game and don't deserve to be a player


You may attempt to use your allies to engage my associates, but I promise that choosing that course of action will end your ability to respirate. Your unsophiscated threats fail to effect me. You are inferior, we are superior. In this contest, you are not even competition.

don't make me have to call your name out
your crew is featherweight
my gunshots'll make you levitate
I'm only nineteen but my mind is old
and when the things get for real my warm heart turns cold
another n*gga deceased, another story gets told

Do not force me to formally identify you. Your associates lack power. Being struck by my firearm's projectiles will cause your body to leave the ground. My physical age is only 19, but mentally, I am experienced beyond my years. In serious situations, I exhibit a callous emotional state. Another person dies, another tale is born for me to repeat in my raps.

it ain't nothin' really
hey, yo dun spark the Phillie
so I can get my mind off these yellowbacked n*ggas
why they still alive I don't know, go figure
meanwhile back in Queens the realness is foundation
if I die I couldn't choose a better location
when the slugs penetrate you feel a burning sensation
getting closer to God in a tight situation
now, take these words home and think it through
or the next rhyme I write might be about you

This is all trivial. Friend, I suggest you light a marijuana joint to aid me in not further contemplating these cowardly people, for I fail to understand how they continue to exist. Meanwhile, back in Queens, serious situations are a way of life. If I were to perish there, I would be content. When struck by bullets, the pain can cause anybody to seek divine help from the deity. Contemplate what I say as you return to your place of residence. If do not choose to leave, it is possible the next piece of writing I compose about violence and death will have you as its subject.

[Chorus]:
Son, they shook...
'cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks
scared to death, scared to look
they shook
'cause ain't no such things as halfway crooks
scared to death, scared to look

livin' the life that of diamonds and guns
there's numerous ways you can choose to earn funds...
some of 'em get shot, locked down and turn nuns
cowardly hearts and straight up shook ones...shook ones
he ain't a crook, son... he's just a shook one...shook one

Friend, they're paralyzed by fear, and it is impossible for half-hearted criminals to truly exist. They're frightened to death, frightened of even making eye contact. In a career that involves riches and firearms, that are many possible avenues toward making money. Some people however get shot, incarcerated, or end up as nothing. Others lack courage and in the end, are just frightened. He's not a hardened criminal, friend.., just somebody who is paralyzed by fear.

---

I guess 8 Mile has me thinking about the song, one of my all time favorites... hahaha. Like I mentioned before, it's at the beginning of the movie and the backbeat is used by Eminem for his climatic freestyle battle about his crappy life.

Who says hip-hop is hard to understand? heh
posted by G at 2:14 AM   | (0) comments

Yum... homemade wonton-mein.
posted by G at 2:07 PM   | (0) comments

The coughing and gleeful hermit...

I guess I'm not over my cold yet... bleh. Woke today feeling pretty nasty, with my throat all scratchy and lungs snotty. Duty called however... my sister's computer was acting crappy, so I went up to take a look and do my best to fix it. I cleaned out a bunch of old junk, spyware, and who knows what... I think there also might be a virus from an attachment she downloaded, but I'd have to run a new virus check program since the one on her comp is old and fried.

I also dropped by Shiv's work for a quick visit too.

Did I mention my Mom is now sick too? I ended up not going to kendo practice and I made her dinner... clam chowder with some fresh bread from the local grocery. Yum.

Anyway, the highlight of my day was a surprise package from Digital Gravelwith a couple of cool t-shirts. Nice. I have my Moi-moi number 2, Cora, to thank for early birthday / Xmas. Thanks, kid. =)


posted by G at 11:44 PM   | (0) comments

Happy Veteran's Day...

...did you celebrate by going shopping? I always find it darkly funny that American holidays are usually shopping frenzies. Not only did thousands of American men die to protect freedom, they died so now... I can buy Scandanavian furniture? haha

As you might have guessed, I too ventured forth from my hermitage to mingle with the faceless masses. Normally I wouldn't, but today was a special day... Siobhan had the day off from her work at the preschool, so I got to spend the whole day with her. She needed to go shopping for an upcoming event for FISH, so I went out and about with her to various stores, where we scouted out for prices on the cheapest glassware. Since my current circumstances limit my time with her to evenings, it was a nice change of pace to walk out and about during the day with her. Oh and you can probably guess from my comments above... we also stopped by IKEA. Normally the haven of non-hetereosexual men everywhere, today was instead filled with a bunch of white guy / Asian girl couples. It doesn't catch my eye like it did 5 years ago, but for some wacky reason... a ton of them at IKEA today. But yeah... my views on that are a can of worms for another post.

Anyways, in honor of Veteran's Day, Shiv and I rented "Windtalkers" on DVD and watched it after dinner while my Mom was at BSF. I never seen it before, but I liked it.

Oh and we also watched "Murder by Numbers" when my Mom got back. No connection to Veteran's Day, but my Mom loves the 99 cent rentals at Albertson's and she got it. Never seen it before either, and it was better than I thought... I liked "Windtalkers" better, tho. Something about Sandra Bullock is irritating.
posted by G at 1:22 AM   | (0) comments

Man of the house...

Today was a nice day at church in that felt "normal"... no real irritating or stressful events, just the comfort that comes from having predictable circumstances. This Sunday was "Stewardship Sunday", so my choir sang a song called "Where your Treasure Is", with words inspired by parts of Jesus' Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 6. We've song the same song two years in a row now, but I don't think the congregation minds... especially since we've only sung it on "Stewardship Sunday". Funny.

I also went to listen to my old roomie David, visiting from seminary, preach during 3rd service about God's purpose in creating people to minister to others. It was a great message, so I'm glad to hear that formal theological training hasn't ruined his talent for speaking... heh heh. Sadly, there wasn't a great many people there today in 3rd service.

Ever since Pastor Taido moved on to Arkansas and we've been without a dedicated (permanent) youth pastor, I've noticed a significant drop in attendance in 3rd service. I guess that's understandable, considering that there are a couple of other churches in our area that are popular that meet at almost the same time (Cornerstone, Lighthouse, City Church) and cater to a "younger" audience. Ironically, I think many churches in Seattle often "cannibalize" each other... instead of being a place where people new to church can come and check it out, people un-entertained by their current church go.

Did I mention lunch was good? Simple baked soyu chicken fryers, with sides of gai-lan (Chinese broccoli) and bok fan (AKA white rice). I love eating lunch at the church when the grandpas are cooking.

Anyways, on the way home after choir practice, the car got a flat on the rear driver side. It had to be within the last mile or so of our house, because we didn't notice anything weird until then. We made it home fine, but my Mom was pretty miffed having just got these new set of tires from Costco like last month. She wanted to call AAA to change it, but I thought it'd be too much trouble to wait for them to come. So being the dutiful son I am, I went out and changed it myself, which was no big deal. The funny thing I found about the flat tire was the object that had punctured it - not a nail or a piece of glass, but a ROCK. A small, stupid, sharp rock... ha.

Sitting outside by myself changing the tire in front of my house made me nostalgic. I think when my father died, my childhood died with him. Being the only male around the house made me the "man of house" - but unlike other families, the position was devoid of privilege and filled endless responsibilities. Fixing stupid stuff around the house. Mowing and edging both the front and back lawns. Trimming bushes. Pulling weeds. Collecting all the garbage and taking it out. Chopping firewood. Cleaning gutters. Moving furniture. Washing the car.

Maybe that's why I enjoy working with kids so much and caring for them... getting to hear about the funniest cartoons (Spongebob) and the newest games (Yu-Gi-Oh). I get to live vicariously through them and pretend I'm 10 again... maybe so I can forget all the baggage that constantly came from being reminded I was the "man of the house" and therefore had to do blah, blah blah... drudgery really has a way of taking the joy out of a kid. Consequently as an adult, I have an aversion to being responsible for menial tasks I don't considering vital. Hurray hurray.
posted by G at 5:23 PM   | (0) comments

Lose yourself in the moment...

I saw 8 Mile with the usual suspects tonight (Shiv, Dennis, Steph, Helen, Kristie, and Dave who's visiting). I actually liked it more than I thought I would, but I'm a sucker for "underdog" movies like Rocky, Rudy, and Remember the Titans. Eminem, a celebrity by virtue of hip-hop skill and race plays, pretty much himself in this movie about a kid with dreams of making big as a emcee... all despite poverty, a crappy job, a broken family, betrayal, and yes... being white. I thought the movie would touch more on the race factor, but in a way it framed that issue like this: if you're poor, it doesn't matter if you're black or white... life is tough.

Anyways, there was a lot to like about the movie (directed by the same guy who directed LA Confidential). My only complaint was this one gratuitous sex scene in the middle of the movie that added NOTHING to the movie. Yeah, we know Eminem's character likes this chick... but to do we have to sit for like 10 minutes watching him bone her at his work? If he wants to make p0rn, Eminem's management should call up Snoop Dog and Girls Gone Wild. Pshhht. Oh yeah, the battles were nice too... I wish there were more of them. In the climatic moment of the movie, Eminem's character, Rabbit, has a rage-filled freestyle to the beat from the Mobb Deep classic "Shook Ones Part 2".

Good stuff. There's a good commentary on the movie written in the NY Times right here.

Random note:

My mom sent me grocery shopping yesterday (er, Friday) and we now have milk again in the house. Finally, I can eat my cereal... yep...
posted by G at 3:26 AM   | (0) comments

As if you already had too much time on your hands... feel wasting it by taking this funny test, the "Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?"
posted by G at 3:40 AM   | (0) comments

"God is more interested in your character than your comfort" - Rev. Rick Warren

This thought has been mulling in my brain pan on and off these past few weeks, ever since our church started reading this book together called "The Purpose-driven Life". The book is very well written, with a different section of reading of each day and the week. Maybe I take it for granted that part of having faith in Christ is beliving that God created every single person with a specific purposes in mind - the primary being that our character becomes molded like the character of Christ.

Last night I met with my small group and we talked a lot about how different things and circumstances in our lives point to that purpose of Christ-likness. My myself, I guess I'm still contemplating a lot about how this whole unemployment and living at home thing is changing me for the better or worst. During last nights lesson/discussion, a very good point was made - God has gifted every human being with the greatest freedom, the freedom to choose how we will react to what happens to us. People can predict our reactions, they can try to elicit certain reactions, but ultimately and in the end, nobody can choose how we react but ourselves.

I know, not so mind-shattering or brain-cooking a concept, but it seemed to strike a chord with me last night. Maybe part of me is still wondering, "How am I supposed to be reacting to this business of unemployment and being stuck all the time at home?" I'm not much of a practicer of positive thinking or optimism.

In any case, I've also noticed I've been slipping in terms of regularing meditating on Scripture and prayer. Hrm, of course I know I shouldn't let it slide... but some days, it's tough to crack open the B-I-B-L-E. The escapist in me tells me to watch more TV or play more war-crack... bad bad bad. =P

Songs of the moment:

Spirited Away Soundtrack again. Joe Hisaishi is a genius.
posted by G at 3:15 PM   | (0) comments

One Flight Down

One flight down
There's a song on low
And your mind just picked up on the sound
Now you know you're wrong
Because it drifts like smoke
And it's been there playing all along
Now you know
Now you know

The reeds and brass have been weaving
Leading into a single note

In this place
Where your arms unfold
Here at least you see your ancient face
Now you know
Now you know

The cadence rolls in broken
Plays it over and then goes

One flight down
There's a song on low
And it's been there playing all along
Now you know
Now you know...


posted by G at 3:00 PM   | (0) comments

Lazy...

Summary of Wednesday's adventures:

1. Chunky peanut sauce.

2. pro bono

3. Sony DVD player hacking

4. Homemade sangria

5. "A Man Called Hero"

6. Breakfast for dinner

7. War-crack
posted by G at 12:52 AM   | (0) comments

At the end of the day there was no rest
futility found the worthlessness in my best
Seeking solace I sought another reason to try
but from a hooded stranger came this cryptic reply
"Lay down and sleep, wretched son of man
let go and cease, as I unravel your plans
Strip yourself of striving, silence your fury
the sun has left this landscape in endless dreary
Lay down and sleep, despised son of scorn
punished for nothing, left to bleed upon thorns
No triumph for courage, for in everything you lack
let the stars fall from heaven as the sky turns black
Lay down and sleep, abandoned child of misfortune
no vindication or vision, blinded in virtue's distortion
Naked and hungry you came, in the same you shall leave
wandering in the wasteland, worry not who will grieve..."
Though I hated his words, he spoke truth I could not speak
solitary and alone, I lay down to seek out sleep
Sleep to dream of days that were and would never be
dreams with hope to fly from a life that never let me free
For my dreams are dreamt away from a reality too close to heart
if only this life began in a dream... instead of the world in which we start.
posted by G at 9:57 AM   | (0) comments

Hilarious:

Whoever keeps hitting up this site after searching for "HoT ChiNeSe GuYs" on AOL... I'm laughing at you. Really. >=)
posted by G at 6:49 PM   | (0) comments

Productive?

Oooh, I actually did something productive today... helped put some more stuff on the New Gen site... yipeee.
posted by G at 4:54 PM   | (0) comments

*cough*

I seem to have come down with something. At first I thought it was just my allergies, lots of sneezing, runny nose, and such... but the usual anti-histamines aren't doing much. My suspicions were confirmed when this morning, I woke up with a dry and irritated throat... along stuffy nose and lungs full of phlegm, yum.

Time to boil the tea...
posted by G at 2:20 PM   | (0) comments

Booked?

A lot of things are going on this week... of course, none of them are really that related to me finding a job. I find it funny; I'm sure my mom is pissed.

With my abundance of spare time, I've been trying to help out some more at my church. Besides helping with high schoolers on Saturday, I recently got suckered, er, convinced to help out some more with some of the worship team rotation. I definitely find that funny. My personal preference for worship teams is that they should be small less than 4 person sets... a guitar, bass, drums, and maybe an additional vocalist/instrumentalist... that's all you need really, in my opinion (of course plus a soundboard / A/V team, but that's obvious). I don't play any instruments (not since my jazzy slush-pump days), I just sing (thank you choir) - I don't consider myself American Idol material, but I at least I can hit the right notes. So anyways, it was all a bit ludicrous to me to be a part of 11-person set this past Sunday (not including soundboard team). To break it down:

-1 guitarist
-1 bassist
-1 drummer
-1 violinist
-1 pianist
-6 VOCALISTS

Yeah, the things I do for my God... funny. Or as my friend Abe (the drummer) put it:

"It's (the worship team) like being in 'Kool & the Gang'. Except without the Kool"

hahahaha...

Sunday wasn't all musical escapades, though (despite the usual 3 hour choir practice for Handel's Messiah for the Christmas program). I got to see Shiv for dinner... ate at this hole in the wall, family-owned Mexican restaurant on Greenwood. I forget the name, but the place was pretty good. The owner's daughter, who couldn't have been more than 7-9 years old, served us our drinks. Cute. I don't get eat Mexican that often, so I splurged on some beef chimichangas, with the usual refried beans & rice, and yes... sangria. Yum. Siobhan and I haven't been out to eat at "sit down" place in awhile, so it was nice. I think part of the benefit of going to restaurant with somebody is that you get to talk to them while waiting for your food, all without distraction. When you're cooking, sometimes that's a little bit harder to do, since your attention is divided between preparing the food and conversating.

But yeah... it was nice.
posted by G at 2:53 PM   | (0) comments

Hmmm... very interesting...
posted by G at 4:02 PM   | (0) comments

(Saturday night recall cont'd)

Tonight's BASIC meeting went aight. It's amazing how many kids are coming out every week to the church... about 30-40+ easily. Maybe it's just my mood, but I guess I'm still trying to figure out why many of the kids come, especially since they don't have family that regularly attend CBC. You would think it's the CBC kiddies, the ones who have grown up in the church, who'd make up the majority of the membership. Most of the "non-churched" kids have friends though who have grown at CBC... maybe that's it? Or perhaps, I'm just underestimating high schoolers these days... maybe they're more spiritually curious than I ever was at that age. Or even more likely... maybe I underestimate God's hand in bringing these kids. We got breakdancers, ballers, and every other kind of urban-type kid... all of them here for God?

That'd be a miracle to me... and maybe it's miracles that I'm not much of a believer in these days.

I struggle with this sense that always, God is distant from me. I wrote about it back in June and it's still hasn't changed that much over these 8 months or so of post-college life.

This seems to happen a lot in my life, but of course, I know it's in no small way related to the fact that I've now lived the majority of my life without my father. I read an interesting article once that found in several psychological studies, people's views/perspectives of God, no matter how accurate or inaccurate, corresponded heavily with their views/perspectives of their parents - meaning for example, people who viewed God as harsh cosmic disciplinarian tended to have mothers/fathers who raised them very strictly. So for me, I suppose the relationship is absent father = absent God?

Being aware of all this still doesn't help me to fight the feeling. I wonder too if I could even ever freely tell many of the people I serve with in various ministries, or even my BASIC kids, that I feel pretty spiritually discouraged. To quote an old child's song, I am lacking the "joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my heart". Sure, there have been brief respites of relief... serving during CoHi was one, my little excursion to LA was another - but the pervasiveness of this feeling is puzzling at times, even if I know in my head that it's rooted partially fallacy - God is not absent, God is omnipresent and omniscient... He's everywhere and knows everything.

I guess my eyes and heart refuse to agree with my head. Self-doubt is a sinister creature, bleh. If only circumstances would justify what I would like to believe and vindicate what I've been holding out for. Here I am waiting... waiting...

Damn, it's going to be a long day tomorrow... I can't believe I'm not asleep yet.

Random note:

Much to my amateur philosopher amusement, a current topic of discussion on the IIStix boards is "Fate vs. Free Will". Should be fun.
posted by G at 3:23 AM   | (0) comments

Saturdays...

Shiv drove down again for breakfast early before her women's group meeting. I also got to sample some of the food she brought for meeting's potluck too... some yummy homemade Thai peanut sauce noodles.

The rest of day sort of passed by in a weird sort of way... ran some errands, did some stuff around the house... but I really don't feel like much happened. Maybe it's that waking up before noon thing again...
posted by G at 11:28 PM   | (0) comments

Hrm...

Today seemed like a long day... probably because I was up earlier than my usual 12/1-ish wake up time. My Mom didn't have work today and she spent a lot of time running errands, so I was able to go to the bank to deposit some checks (rebate checks, wh00t) and buy a couple of things I've been meaning to pick up... a can of enamel spray (flat black gloss) and a bicycle pump. Nope, no sub-urban terrorism or graffiti for me, just a personal project... fixing up an old mountain bike in my garage for me to ride on and get some exercise.

Speaking of exercise (or lack there of)... I played a lot of War-crack today. A shameful amount, haha. It's all good though... today, I have learned the mad gay rape power of ghouls. I played a game where I got 10 hero kills using the ghoul/DK/DL combo. Conversely, versus whoop-ified me in a couple of 2v2 games with the same combo, so I'll have to watch the replay to fine-tune my Undead technique.

Yes, true geek-dom... watching and studying Warcraft3 replays.

Random note:

I checked out "The Lotus and the Cross" by Ravi Zacharias from the library. It's a book where a fictional conversation takes place between Jesus and Buddha... very interesting stuff as it outlines some of the major differences between Christianity and Buddhism over spiritual concepts like redemption, self, ultimate knowledge, and the source/purpose of virtue. I can feel the wrinkles growing on my brain from reading it...
posted by G at 11:56 PM   | (0) comments

Eh...

I'm up before noon...
posted by G at 10:52 AM   | (0) comments

in?scrip?tion (n-skrip-shun)n.
1. The act or an instance of inscribing.
2. Something, such as the wording on a coin, medal, monument, or seal, that is inscribed.
3. A short, signed message in a book or on a photograph given as a gift.
4. The usually informal dedication of an artistic work.
5. Jeremiah 31:33