Passing me by...

Time seems to fly when there's no immediate stress in your life. Sure, I'm worried about getting a decent job like all my other non-employed graduated friends, but I find it easier to push the thoughts from my mind in between watching TV (Rap City and cartoons), playing around on my computer (TacOps and trying to learn Flash), or reading (working on 4 different books, hahaha). Oh yeah... and eating cereal. Lots of cereal.

Speaking of eating, tonight was apartment dinner. Cora, Naomi, and Steph cooked lasanga, Ceasar salad, garlic bread, and apple pie good stuff. Actually, I've been eating quite well lately... last night, Shiv and I cooked panko chicken with our attempt at duplicating Kiku's onion and teriyaki egg sauce... quite good...

Getting hungry again... heh.
posted by G at 11:30 PM   | (0) comments

The newest in cross-ethnic dinner meals... the curry stew burrito wrap!

mmmm... what strange meals are made when I'm scrounging in my refrigerator...
posted by G at 11:14 PM   | (0) comments

Loooong days...

I just got back from the CoHi training session. It was OK... the meeting was more like an inspirational seminar than an interactive class. For me, the highlight was just getting to meet most of the people who will be serving on the CoHi staff as counselors to the kids. The two "trainers" (read: speakers) who came and spoke had some good insights into highschool / junior high ministry, though nothing I hadn't heard before. Yep, to people with geezer souls like me, it's all familar...

Though my eyes were definitely glazed over during a couple of segments, I found myself thinking a lot about my own experiences being on the receiving end of the whole high school / junior high ministry thing. I guess in comparing my own life to some of the things the trainers talked about, I reflected on how for the most part of my life, I've been un-ministered to... quite a depressing reflection, eh? Haha. Anybody who really knows me knows that I'm the totally all about fighting the "super consumer" mentality in Christianity... those "super consumer Christians" who always seem content to be the ones to just receive and never give back, the "Christians" who are always looking for the what they can get out of this church/program/people. I suppose a big chunk of that comes from a personal feeling that at times, I am opposite... the one who is always serving, helping, etc. and never getting "fed". It's probably natural that having to "give all the time" makes one a little irritated at those who only take.

One of the speakers mentioned that perhaps the worst thing that can happen to a kid after leaving a great camp/retreat/fellowship group is to have nobody follow up and continuing to disciple them. Ironically, that's pretty much been my personal experience with like 95% of the camps/retreats/fellowships that I attended regularly or served in. It's never been the case where someone has seriously followed up with me, post the actual experience. No guidance, advice... hell, I might as well as not have gone in the first place for the most part for some of those events. And I won't even get into the details of growing up a fatherless son... another lament...

So why am I writing gripe upon gripe from my wacked out past life? It's a little heavy, sure... I guess I'm pondering the ever-present question, "How can I possibly minister to others through discipleship relationships when I've never had any myself?" People might look at me and see an unmoving rock of faith... I look inside and at times, all I see is a wasteland, a frozen artic desert. To put it metaphorically, so many people and God seem to be asking for fruit from me now, yet there's not even trees in my landscape to pick it from. Nobody's been there to help me plant the seeds and shepherd there growth. Life has been like that the majority of these last 13 years, though I admit, there have been brief flashes where it has been easier to bear. But for every 2 steps forward, it seems like I'm pushed another 3 steps back.

Waiting for a change of fate is hard...

Random note:

This is an interesting read... "Why Do Asians Do Well In School?"

posted by G at 7:23 PM   | (0) comments

It's early... very early.

Another night of restless sleep and I find myself bored at my comp... maybe it's some funky indigestion. I went with Shiv to FISH this last night to this family-owned burger joint named "Triple X Burger" (they should get some sponsorship from the upcoming Vin Diesel movie, heh). Anyway, I ate this monster sized burger, the "Triple X" there... I couldn't tell how much beef was in it, but I'm pretty sure that it was close to a pound, looking at those 3 patties. Afterwards, the FISH people went to watch "Training Day" at someone's house. Seeing the movie for the second time made me appreciate it a lot more... lots of subtle touches and good dialogue...

"To protect the sheep, you gotta catch the wolves. It takes a wolf to catch a wolf..."

Speaking of wolves catching wolves, I find my time playing TacOps to be even more enjoyable as of late. Something very therapeutic about it all. I'm the guy with the [Liquid] tag racking up the kills. Bear in mind, each round of a game of TO is like pseudo real-life. You die during the round, you're dead until the next round...

• # enemies killed / # times I got wacked / # times team won a round
  
• 22 - 9, 3 rounds won
  
• 30 - 7, 22 rounds won
  
• (^note in this game: Cannibal_Ox = J-Tong; Kr@q = Wes; Soth02 = Chris)
  
• 16 - 4, 11 rounds won
  
• 21 - 7, 10 rounds won
  
• 23 - 4, 9 rounds won
  
• 25 - 18, 8 rounds won
  
• 24 - 7, 16 rounds won
  

Who says I'm not learning anything new as a jobless bum? hahaha. (yeah, I know... sad)

Man, I have to be up in like 5 hours for CoHi training...


posted by G at 4:37 AM   | (0) comments

Everyone dies. But not everyone truly lives.
posted by G at 5:26 AM   | (0) comments

"...but as the world turns, I learn life is hell/ living in a world no different from a cell..."

It's not often I quote Wu-Tang in a blog entry, but this line from the seminal 1993 classic song "C.R.E.A.M." (Cash Rules Everything Around Me) comes to mind for some reason. Maybe it's because as I sit here at my computer, I don't feel very free. It's as if all the things I've pushed to the back of mind about being free have come suddenly to the forefront of my mind. I thought some parts of my life were free, but I think I was self-deluded.

1 No freedom.
2 No freedom, because I have no car and no money.
3 I have no car and no money because I have no job.
4 I have no job because I didn't have time to look for one while I was in college.
5 I didn't have time in college because I had spend my free hours studying and working to support myself through school.
6 I had spend my free hours studying and working to support myself through school because I come from single parent, low-income family, who couldn't afford to buy me a car, stocks, house, or job in the first place.
7 I have come from a single parent, low-income family because I an another human being who wasn't fortunate to be born to a wealthy, upper-class aristocratic family;
or lucky enough born a Corvus brachyrhynchos (American crow)... or a Canis lupus (wolf)...

or the most fortunate of forms of life, the Ulmus parvifolia (Chinese elm... adaptable to multiple climates, hardy, and likes sun)

In the impossible scenario in which Garrett was a tree, then I wouldn't have think or worry about a goddamn thing... cars (Toyotas, Hondas, Lexuses), money (Lincolns, Jacksons, Grants), food (Chinese, Japanese, Italian), people (family, friends, bosses, A&F goons).

I'm in a nihilistic mood... fly your Nietzsche banners for the moment, because I just want to be asleep for a little bit.

Oh yeah, the career fair is today too. Wheeee.
posted by G at 2:29 AM   | (0) comments

Yay for apartment dinners... always nice to have somebody else cook for you, heh. My friend Cora, writer for the webzine II Stix wrote an article about apartment dinners. The joy of communal living. =)

Random note:

A recently read an interesting editorial about the Japanese American experience during WWII by an Arab American writer... he draws some interesting parallels and how the experiences of the Japanese American community have helped to lend support to the Arab American community.
posted by G at 11:30 PM   | (0) comments

A&F aftermath...

I got an interesting e-mail from an individual, a Mr. Damon Claussen, about the whole A&F thing. Apparently, some one actually took the time to find me online... interesting. I thought I'd address a couple parts of the e-mail since there are some things that really disturb me about it (that and the fact this individual said he'd immediately delete any reply from me... wow, how nice.)

"I'm glad to know you're upset, and you have every right to express your opinion, but in my opinion you're only lowering yourself further by letting a ridiculous piece of cloth with ink on it get to you. Its a damn t-shirt. You have every right to be pissed off....and so do I. But I choose to look at the humorous side of it.... I think its okay to laugh at yourself, and I believe we as a society have lost that ability.

reply: You probably think I stomp around all day being angry about the fact I'm Asian and screaming at the walls. But anybody who REALLY knows me knows I laugh at myself a lot... at least as much the next guy. The problem with these shirts my friend is that it is MORE than just a t-shirt. People would like to believe it's just some little joke and that hell, what can a t-shirt do to Asian Americans? Well, it's not the t-shirt that disturbs me... it's the ATTITUDE and BELIEFS behind that t-shirt. Humor and satire are sophisticated, and they having an underlying intellectual context behind them. Those t-shirts do nothing but promote the demeaning of the HUMANITY of Asian people and Asian Americans. You might think that's no big deal, but in the history of this world, once people's HUMANITY is stripped away, some pretty awful stuff happens... Native Americans give diseased blankets and kicked off their own land... Nazis sending Jews by the millions to death factories... Japanese AMERICANS sent to concentration camps. It all started with an attitude that these people groups were not human. That why so many people are "upset" about the shirts. So guess in your book, a person like me fighting to be recognized as just a human being is "lowering myself". Thanks.


"I find your comment about "honkies" to be very telling about you. What if you saw a mexcian, black, filipino, indian or middle eastern person wearing the t-shirt, would you evoke the same hatred or actions upon them as you say you would to a white or HONKEY"

reply: Actually, I'd pretty damn offended if I saw any stranger wearing the shirt. But based upon personal experience, the majority of "racist" incidents in my life have involved white people. For one, I CANNOT even begin to count the number of time you (white) Americans have said to me "Can you speak English?" or "Your English is so good!"

No one was killed by it, no one was oppressed, the only thing that was lost aside from any profit for A&F is the fact that our society has let this cause another rift between our ability to laugh at ourselves.

reply: Why don't you walk around South Central LA or Harlem and start shouting, "Where can I find some Negros to pick me some cotton?" You tell me if it's funny then, because I'm sure as hell not laughing at shirts that pretty much shout "Chinks can do your laundry, even without being able to speak English!". Like I said in my reply above, killing/oppressing is a process that begins with the de-humanization of people and that de-humanization begins with an attitude..

Did you know that A&F also manufactured other T-shirts poking fun of other nationalities...white's or HONKIES included."

reply: Hardly comforting. A&F might as well be saying, "Yeah, I have this shirts that say "Kikes are stingy bastards" and "Waps are garlic eaters"... so don't be offended when I print my shirt that says "Chinks like doing your laundry". Applying ignorant stereotypes across "many" groups hardly justifies applying another one to Asians and Asian Americans.

"They also have a quote of what you said regarding the shirt, including the honkey statement. I want them to know that you're in support of the rally against A&F, but is your support really is questionable with your racist overtones."

reply: I'm the first one to admit I harbor some bias against white people. But given my personal experiences, I say having only "some bias" is a miracle in itself, praise God. Don't confuse my biases with "racism". Racism has, and always will be, a systematic, institutionalized oppression against a certain people group... the reality of racism is that it is PREJUDICE + POWER. We "minorities" may have our prejudices, but we do not have even close to the level of power over everyday life that system of Western racism has over everyday life.

Here in America, that everybody who is NON-WHITE faces systematic, institutionalized oppression in some form or another. White people don't have to worry about being beaten to death or sodomized by police to even near the degree that minorities do. White people don't have to worry about being forced against a wall, frisked and detained by an armed officer simply for jaywalking to the degree minorities do. White people don't get followed around in the mall, white people don't get asked if they speak English.

White people don't have to worry about being stereotyped or forced into a box of assumptions, because an entire system of government, media, and business already caters exclusively to them with any image they want of themselves; while stereotypes of Asians abound. In the eyes of this culture, we are bound in the chains of the stereotypes that an ignorant culture perpetuates... this whole A&F t-shirt thing is just another example of that. Far more deadly than physical oppression in the oppression of the hearts, minds, and very spirits of people who deserve nothing more than treatment as HUMAN beings. I suppose most white people have no idea of the privileges that they enjoy. Ironically, fighting racism is not about fighting for privilege. It's about fighting for truth, it's about simple recognition of our right for equality. Nothing more, nothing less.

The resposibility of racism in American has, and ALWAYS will be with WHITE people. Are you going to blame Native Americans for genocide?! Are you going to blame African Americans for slavery?! They were never in the position of power. White people were, and continue to be in that position of power. Look at the CEOs of Fortune 500 companies. Look at the composition of the Senate and the House of Representatives. Hell, not even close to half of our so-called "democratic government" is comprised of women and any idiot knows that women make up half of the population.

So really... what is more questionable? The fact that you're offended by that a chink like me is trying to contact King 5 or the fact that non-white people continue to tolerate being oppressed? This BLOG is my personal journal. I make no apologies to anyone I offend, friend or stranger alike. Do I really think all white people are "honkeys"? No. But anyone wearing a t-shirt that might as well scream "CHINK!" at me is going to get called a "honkey" by me.
posted by G at 11:50 AM   | (0) comments

Designer children and playing God...

Been doing some reading and I wonder what this article bodes for the future. "Deafness" as a culture? An interesting thought... but of greater concern to me is this whole issue of "designer" babies. Will the future really be like the movie Gattaca, where I may a doctor X amount of $$$ to churn out a baby that has all of my strengths, as well other "non-essential" designer characteristics like the big 'ol ear lobes and the ability to raise one eyebrow?

It's a strange world we live in.


posted by G at 9:52 PM   | (0) comments

26 hours...

Chong and I have probably set another record for consecutive hours working on a video project... chalk full with probably the most effects ever in one of our productions. I can't even begin to count the number of fade transitions, time acceleration / slow-mo, etc. Heck, we even experimented with a new blue screen technique for a flying bullet sequence. Much much work... but that's done with now and CoHi Rally went over well. I have to admit I was a bit concerned with the whole video thing being just a novelty, but having paid attention to everyone's reactions more closely, I am reminded more than ever of how my generation is a generation used to having our senses steeped in the media-frenzy stew of television and movies. It's strange to think something as abstract as simply a video can command so much attention...

But enough pondering for today. My bed hasn't seen me inawhile, so I'm going to pay a visit.
posted by G at 2:01 AM   | (0) comments

still unemployed
but there's alot to do
I can't say no.

Weee morning haiku...
posted by G at 4:58 AM   | (0) comments

More ruckus...

Check out this article from SanFran.

"The T-shirts, some of which show smiling men with slanted eyes and conical hats, will be pulled from all of the company's 311 stores in 50 states, company spokesman Hampton Carney said Thursday."

Woohooo! Fight the power. I'm not naive to think that this is some giant Civil Rights victory, but at least for once, the Asian American community didn't bend over and take it. We stood up for something that moves us in the right direction...
posted by G at 2:56 PM   | (0) comments

"Abercrombie & Fitch T-Shirt Controversy"...

Check it out:

King 5 News Story

Well, another interesting chapter in the life of Gar. I got to be on the evening news of King 5 News. They wanted to interview me after I sent an e-mail into the website saying they should do a story on this whole t-shirt thing. To tell the truth, I'm not much of a public speaking / camera sort of person, but I went with it anyway. It's good feeling to do something about something you feel is not right with the world, and today was one of those days. I guess this verse came into my head:

"I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none.." Ezekiel 22:30

I feel blessed God gave me the opportunity to stand in the gap today.
posted by G at 11:59 PM   | (0) comments

half awake half asleep... the days are strange.

This week seems to be passing by faster than usual. Monday, a bunch people went out to eat at Hosoonyi's for a surprise birthday dinner for Amy Nish. Tuesday of course was apartment dinner and Helen, Kenny, and Dennis made an unusual menu... lemon chicken pasta with salad and garlic bread, and a funky coffee jello desert. I know, coffee jello... sounds strange, but it was delicious.

Random note:

Yet another reminder of the stupidity/racism that is A&F. If I saw any honky white boy wearing this shirt, I'd make 'em bite the curb. "Wong's Laundry: Two Wongs make a White!" and a picture of guys in the rice hats. Like what the hell is that supposed to mean?!! Yet another example of why America continues to think of Chinese Americans as nothing more thenalien immigrants in this country, fit to do nothing but their f%@%!#@ laundry. I swear, it pisses me off...

Check out the rest of these shirts:

• "Wok N Bowl"
  
• "Pizza Dojo"
  
• "Buddha Bash"
  
• "Wong Laundry"
  

posted by G at 2:19 PM   | (0) comments

These past couple of weeks have been a little down and out for me. I suppose unemployment blues are partly to blame, but for me, what is more troubling is something else, something that's been in the back of my head probably since my senior year in high school. I'll definitely write about it more sometime, but a random revelation that I had this past month: Despite my lethargic nature, I derive a lot satisfaction from doing things for other people. I guess in a way, I like to help people, but in a more non-visible and an unseen manner, perhaps almost Amelie-esque style. Times of just being are difficult for me, because I find my significance in doing.

But all in all, Sunday was good day. Shiv is back from Cali and during choir practice today at church, the choir threw me a surprise "Happy Graduation" party, complete with song and chocolate cake. I was really touched. I guess it reminds me why I really like the choir. It's more than just the chance to sing... it's getting the chance to be young again, heh. I mean, how often does a person my age get to hang out and learn from a bunch of "real adults"? I thank God for the blessing that it is.
posted by G at 1:39 AM   | (0) comments

"Fraility"...

I just saw the movie tonight (well again... technically yesterday) and it was super creepy. I would tell more of the movie, but I don't want to give away the plot. Suffice to say, the movie was very character-driven, well-acted, and had lots suspense in the atmosphere, even though I did happen to guess many of the "twists" in it. A definite must see if you like the genre...
posted by G at 2:05 AM   | (0) comments

Kendo practice... first time inawhile. Ouch.
posted by G at 10:50 PM   | (0) comments

Passion, (pash-en) n. 1. A strong emotion. 2. Boundless enthusiasm. [Latin, pati-, pass-, "to suffer"]

Today (well, technically yesterday) was a day with a couple of insights.

I woke up fairly early, 'bout 9AM to drive Shiv to the airport. Mornings are usually not my time, but she kindly brought me some breakfast, courtesy Mr. McDonald. A bellyful of hashbrowns and an egg muffin can do wonders. We got to SeaTac with plenty of time to spare, but we were delayed in finding parking (first 5 floors were full) and there was a mix-up at the counter and security (due to some faulty information given by an airline employee, sheesh). By themselves, those things are much of a big deal, but added up, it was a bit irritating. Shiv was understandably a bit frustrated, and it put a little damper on our time before she left... I felt bad for her.

Traffic didn't seem too bad, so I drove straight back to my apartment at the UW instead of my original plan of stopping by my home home. I ran a quick couple of errands, mostly revolving around picking up my last paycheck from my old job... yeah, I officially have ZERO income. Came back, took a nap, and was listening to music in bed when I got a phone call from Steph, who needed help hauling her TV & VCR for AACF. I helped load everything into her car and then hopped along for the pre-AACF speaker dinner at World Wraps in the U-Village. As a little celebration for myself, I splurged on my meal (yum, regular sized Thai Chicken + Wild Raspberry smoothie). Some boring details which really are unimportant except for the fact that I was originally thinking of not going to AACF. If it wasn't for Steph's call, I probably would not have gone... a small divinely ordained moment, since it also turned out that Christine Nakano spoke tonight in the context of the subject of living a life with "passion". The topic turned out to be very relevant to me...no coincidence, of course.

I'm still mulling over some things that occurred to me. Maybe I'll write about them later.
posted by G at 2:01 AM   | (0) comments

Random link:

Ever curious about the forensic study of firearms?
posted by G at 1:22 AM   | (0) comments

The days are packed...

It's about 7:30AM in the morning right now and I'm up. Dave's alarm for work woke me up to, and I can't seem to fall back asleep... so I figure I might as well do something to keep my mind busy. Writing is as good as anything.

But speaking of busy, you'd think be graduated would afford a person more spare time... but that hasn't exactly been the total case yet. This last weekend was as busy as any I've had while I was in school...

Saturday, I had my Mom's furniture stuff to take care of in the morning, AWANA in the late afternoon, and the JEMS music concert that same night (BTW, picked up nice music there by a fellow brother named Eric Kuo. A couple of his songs can be found here.) Sunday, I pretty much spent the entire day at CBC, almost 10 hours, from 8:15AM to 6:00PM... the usual schedule of morning choir practice, worship service, Sunday school, lunchbreak, afternoon choir practice, and then CoHi prayer meeting. Pretty long-ish, eh?

Yeah...


posted by G at 7:42 AM   | (0) comments

All by myself.

I'm home at the mom's house, though not necessarily just for the usual laundry / free meal. My mom apparently bought some new furniture, so she needed somebody home to around when the store delivers in the house... and guess who gets to put it together to... thank you, part-time job at Dania, circa 1998.

The house is quiet except for the dull sound of the TV. I've been up since 8:00AM, which is strange since normally, the only day of the week I'm up that early is the Lord's day.

Part of it is probably still my post-finals recovery, the majority of these wacky sleeping patterns has more to do with how much my allergies have been acting up lately. I'm pretty stubborn about such things, so it takes me awhile to medicate myself and pop some pills. Of course, most of my pills are of the nocturnal variety, so pretty much, within a couple of hours, my mind treads off to realm of the unconscious. Waking up at odd hours usually leaves me in just the company of one, myself. Unlike most people, I find solitude refreshing, but I can see how it could drive a man insane. Having silence to oneself leads to a lot more reflection, especially conversations with God and conscience. That might explain why so many men leave prison either better men or even more wacked out... arguing against yourself and your Creator always seems to lead to extreme results.

For me, I treasure the times I can spend with myself. Sadly and very often , many of the people in my life, friends and family included, require me to expend large amounts of energy in order for me to tolerate their behavior. I don't despise them (quite the opposite actually), but I admit, it is difficult at times to see beyond their faults, especially after years of knowing them, they have neither matured nor made a sincere attempt to change for the better. Still, I guess there are a select few people who I could spend days on end with and not tire of them, because I enjoy their company and I find my relationship with them is centered on a mutuality and respect that the others lack.

Speaking of respect, kendo has been on mind lately, especially now that I have all this spare time. I got an e-mail from my old sensei at Renton just yesterday, asking me how I've been and when I come back to the dojo. Lots of my good friends now go to practice at Renton, even some of the friends I made at the UW Kendo Club before. I really want to get back to practicing, but sadly, the nature of my car-less life once again interferes with my wishes. There's no easy way to lug my practice gear on some bus... which is my mother's constant reply whenever I mention the situation... but that's another long lasting gripe. =(

posted by G at 12:42 PM   | (0) comments

if only my dear
you could see this present trial
this sorrow I now face

You look with sad eyes
but sometimes a man stands alone
to fight against himself

no pills or quick fixes
for a scarred heart and wounded soul
only faith and your love.
posted by G at 12:36 AM   | (0) comments

I love The Boondocks.
posted by G at 6:31 AM   | (0) comments

Monk style...

I recently read this interesting article about St. Thomas Aquinas, one of the major scholars in history who pioneered the recouncilation of the seemingly opposed camps of "reason" with "revelation" for resolution of various issues in Christian theology. All today, my mind had a hard time remembering the 3 major monastic orders of his day: the Benedictines, Franciscans, and Dominicans. For some reason, I kept forgetting about the Franciscans... heh.

Some straight up educational stuff... and I'm not even in school! hahaha ;)
posted by G at 12:03 AM   | (0) comments

in?scrip?tion (n-skrip-shun)n.
1. The act or an instance of inscribing.
2. Something, such as the wording on a coin, medal, monument, or seal, that is inscribed.
3. A short, signed message in a book or on a photograph given as a gift.
4. The usually informal dedication of an artistic work.
5. Jeremiah 31:33