Saturday, April 27, 2002
I just got back from the CoHi training session. It was OK... the meeting was more like an inspirational seminar than an interactive class. For me, the highlight was just getting to meet most of the people who will be serving on the CoHi staff as counselors to the kids. The two "trainers" (read: speakers) who came and spoke had some good insights into highschool / junior high ministry, though nothing I hadn't heard before. Yep, to people with geezer souls like me, it's all familar...
Though my eyes were definitely glazed over during a couple of segments, I found myself thinking a lot about my own experiences being on the receiving end of the whole high school / junior high ministry thing. I guess in comparing my own life to some of the things the trainers talked about, I reflected on how for the most part of my life, I've been un-ministered to... quite a depressing reflection, eh? Haha. Anybody who really knows me knows that I'm the totally all about fighting the "super consumer" mentality in Christianity... those "super consumer Christians" who always seem content to be the ones to just receive and never give back, the "Christians" who are always looking for the what they can get out of this church/program/people. I suppose a big chunk of that comes from a personal feeling that at times, I am opposite... the one who is always serving, helping, etc. and never getting "fed". It's probably natural that having to "give all the time" makes one a little irritated at those who only take.
One of the speakers mentioned that perhaps the worst thing that can happen to a kid after leaving a great camp/retreat/fellowship group is to have nobody follow up and continuing to disciple them. Ironically, that's pretty much been my personal experience with like 95% of the camps/retreats/fellowships that I attended regularly or served in. It's never been the case where someone has seriously followed up with me, post the actual experience. No guidance, advice... hell, I might as well as not have gone in the first place for the most part for some of those events. And I won't even get into the details of growing up a fatherless son... another lament...
So why am I writing gripe upon gripe from my wacked out past life? It's a little heavy, sure... I guess I'm pondering the ever-present question, "How can I possibly minister to others through discipleship relationships when I've never had any myself?" People might look at me and see an unmoving rock of faith... I look inside and at times, all I see is a wasteland, a frozen artic desert. To put it metaphorically, so many people and God seem to be asking for fruit from me now, yet there's not even trees in my landscape to pick it from. Nobody's been there to help me plant the seeds and shepherd there growth. Life has been like that the majority of these last 13 years, though I admit, there have been brief flashes where it has been easier to bear. But for every 2 steps forward, it seems like I'm pushed another 3 steps back.
Waiting for a change of fate is hard...
This is an interesting read... "Why Do Asians Do Well In School?"
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