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Friday, December 31, 2004
retrospective
To start off this entry, I'm taking a tip from the past wordful design element book by including the above auto-relevant picture. Whoohoo. On the early morning of the last day of 2004, I find myself looking back at everything that happened this past year, especially in light of the fact that I spent the better part of the 11 months of this past year in Japan. The year 2004 will always I suppose live in my memory as the "Japan Year", just like the year 2000 will always be in my memory as the "Brasil / AACF Core Year". When I first arrived back to Seattle, I thought that it'd be easy to write down all the lessons I learned from my time in Japan... as if time would naturally allow me a way to transform the feelings, thoughts, and memories into words, phrases, sentences, and paragraphs. The process didn't happen quite like I wanted. I sort of felt like a 3rd grade kid being suddenly introduced to the 5-paragraph format (intro, 3x body, conclusion) and asked to sum up the meaning of life in 2 pages or less. Everytime I sat down in front of the computer to type something, it was as if the monitor's radiation fried all the coherency from my brain. Everytime I picked up a pen, it was as if the act of holding it reduced me to a 3-year old child spurting gibberish and drooling. But I digress... lessons. God showed me a lot of things about myself over there, lessons I'm still struggling to master and completely live out. The most important lesson I learned from this past year was also the one I learned first - a fact that makes the lesson so obvious, so simple, that I'm sure almost everybody knows it, but very few people live it. The lesson can be best described as this: Whoever you meet or know is not a coincidence. God has placed every relationship in your life for a reason - from family to friends to strangers. And no matter what that reason is, your interaction with those people will both affect your life and reflect what you truly believe is important. .:. Simple, right? I thought so too, at first. But I spent my entire time in Japan really grasping the importance of it. In hindsight... ...I had a wonderful host family who cared for me like I was their own blood and taught me what it was like living in complete and tight-knit family. ...I found a best friend who both encouraged my faith and yet also taught me not to take the unimportant things of this world too seriously. ...I met a crew of good friends who helped remind me that no one can go it alone and everyone needs backup. Especially after 'bouts of ridiculous nomihodai. ...I made a lot of Japanese friends who showed me that underneath the complexities of culture and language, there is essential human quality that binds us together and our friendships can be built on that quality. ...I had a group of co-workers from a hundred different walks of life and experiences to show me that even a group as different as us can actually learn to work and like each other. ...I met a lot of corporate hacks whose shameless pursuit of money and the bottom line made me realize how ugly greed really can warp people. ...I had tons of young Japanese kids to teach, laugh with, console, and guide... all while in their eyes, they helped me to what is good in the heart of their Garrett-sensei. And all the while, I also had family and friends back here in the US writing me letters, e-mails, sending packages... even commenting on this blog (I'm a nerd, I know). .:. But relationships by definition are never just exclusively taking what others give you (unless they're parasitic). Part of me internalizing the reality that relationships are purposeful and important was sacrificing - and not sacrifcing merely of what was convenient to give; but giving sacrificially to those around me - listening, talking, deferring, offering, meeting, writing, drinking, singing, encouraging... or even something as simple I buying someone lunch. The lesson taught me that the best relationships both are expressed and grown by sacrificial living - dying to yourself for other people. Not sacrifing for the sake of getting something in return, but out of gratitude to God for the people He's entrusted to you in your life and sacrificing because you know it's what must be done. It's daunting thing, really... to consider that everybody we meet is for reason, and that ultimately, by the way we treat those around us, we either affirm that God is love, or we perpetuate a cold, unjust, and cruel world. If I claim to have faith in God, then I must embrace empathy despite my natural inclination to be distant. And even if my circumstances have partly conditioned me to be aloof and emotionally removed, I need to care about others more and have sympathy for the burdens they bear. Everybody needs to work on being less self-focused and that includes me. I'm still marinating on that. .:. Looking back, it's interesting to see what I was thinking in past New Year's times... .:One Year Ago... Mood: Cautiously happy. I was celebrating living with the host family and enjoying the move from Myohoji to Kawanishi. .:Two Years Ago... Mood: Despondent, bitter, and angry. No job, no car, and not a lot of support from people. .:Three Years Ago... Mood: Blissfully ignorant. I was still in university and thought I'd find a job within 6 months after graduating and everything would fall into place. How sad. | (1) comments 
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
post-birthday
As birthdays go, I think this past 26th birthday of mine will probably live in my memory as one of the most memorable ever... I'm still speechless. The prelude to my birthday was already really nice - I received a handmade scrapbook of my father's old sermon notes from Shiv & my family. That present by itself left me awestruck. I've been back about only one month from Japan now, and I suppose part of me was wondering what difference it really made whether I was gone or still around in Seattle. Because of the holiday season and my recent time being away in Japan, I wasn't expecting a lot of people to come out to celebrate my birthday with me. After all, Christmas / New Year is mostly a family season, and since I'm a strong believer in the importance of family, I don't feel comfortable asking friends to sacrifice that time just to mark the anniversary of me shooting outta the womb. So it was quite a nice surprise to see over a dozen different people show up for dinner - friends from church, university, etc. Even my ninja sister made a special appearance! But the real kicker was my birthday present... this: .:The Full View .:Pimptastic Blue LEDs While I'm shocked and flattered about the price of the present my friends got for me, I feel even more loved by the knowledge that it took a lot of cooperation and work for my friends to put that computer together for me - it's a completely custom made system. It may sound hopelessly trite and sentimental, but the feeling of being loved and appreciated by your friends (especially when you don't ask for it) is the best feeling in the world. And knowing that God has blessed me abundantly through the friends I have keeps me both grateful and humbled. More thoughts on this later. .:. For those of you who Amazon.com, you can help donate as little as $5 to relief efforts in SE Asia with just a few clicks... here's a link. | (3) comments
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
lend a hand
Unless you've been sleeping under a rock, the disaster in SE Asia resulting from the tsunami is rapidly getting worst. Some numbers to contemplate: At least 26,000 people are dead (that's more than 8 times the number of people who died in 9/11). Another estimated one million people have been displaced. And about 250,000 people that are probably also homeless. Yes, I like making numbers in bold type. What's worst though, is that the majority of the countries affected have nowhere near the resources they need to cope. Therefore, I urge anybody who reads this to check the following sites on how to help: .:World Vision International .:International Red Cross Donate money, water, medical supplies, food, clothing, and pray... it's all needed badly. "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, �Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,� but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. James 2:14-17 .:. Oh yeah... happy birthday me. | (1) comments
Sunday, December 26, 2004
post x-mas
Did Santa bring you a lump of coal? Got some extra money? Did Grandma buy you yellow socks (again)? Want to start buying presents for next year already? Perhaps you're thinking, Where does a finicky, quasi-revolutionary, anti-chain store guy like Garrett shop at? Or do you want to engage in the borderline-Babylon activity my friend Steph calls, "retail therapy"? Here ya go... nice online joints that sell cool stuff that'll push your bank account closer to zero and perhaps, may help re-start the sluggish world economy. Don't say I didn't warn you. .:. Gar's List 'O Shopping Sites
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Friday, December 24, 2004
Merry Christmas
The real story. .:. Now in those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus, that a census be taken of all the inhabited earth. This was the first census taken while Quirinius was governor of Syria. And everyone was on his way to register for the census, each to his own city. Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the city of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and family of David, in order to register along with Mary, who was engaged to him, and was with child. While they were there, the days were completed for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying, "GLORY TO GOD IN THE HIGHEST, And on earth, PEACE AMONG MEN with whom He is pleased." When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, "Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us." So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the manger. When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them. Gospel of Luke, Chapter 2, Verses 1-20 .:. As much as the worst parts of me would like to believe, it's never just about me or my story. | (0) comments
hoodie tastic
It's the day before Christmas, and all through the house... yeah. The sounds of a fan and frying oil in the kitchen - Mom is cooking. Christmas is just a day away, and as jaded and cynical as my 25 years have made me, the little kid inside of me is still looking forward to tearing off the wrapping paper of my presents. It's one of the few childish indulgences I can afford myself these days. The heat in my house is non-existant... it's the cheapo Chinese way. Put on a sweater the parents would always say. That never changes. I had an AIM conversation with somebody last night about the power of hoodies. As much as the kid in me is excited about opening presents, the same adult occupying this carcass is still worried about... stuff. 
Nothing to do but pull the hood over your head and drink tea. | (2) comments
Thursday, December 23, 2004
land of the fearful and home of the bigoted
I just noticed this disturbing news post on AngryAsianMan.com... it cited a poll who results show that 44% of Americans Say It's OK To Limit Muslims' Rights. WTH?! To quote the well-written summary on AngryAsianMan: The survey indicated that 27 percent of the respondents said they supported requiring all Muslim Americans to register their home address with the federal government. Twenty-two percent said they favored racial profiling to identify potential terrorist threats. And 29 percent said they thought undercover agents should infiltrate Muslim civic and volunteer organizations to keep tabs on their activities and fund-raising. Sound familiar? Why didn't the poll just go all the way, and ask if respondents supported rounding up all the Muslim Americans and sticking them into internment camps? Somebody get Michelle Malkin on the phone. The survey also found that Republicans and people who described themselves as "highly religious" were more apt to support curtailing Muslims' civil liberties than Democrats or people who are less religious. What kind of hypocritical crap is that? For others, suppressing the very religious freedom that allows you to live out and practice your own religion? Mind you, I think they're forgetting that some of the earliest European settlers came to America fleeing religious persecution. Researchers also found that respondents who paid more attention to television news were more likely to fear terrorist attacks and support limiting the rights of Muslim Americans. Thank you, Fox News. Pshhht. How disappointing that "religious" people (and sadly, people probably claiming to be "Christian") are so bigoted and racist. I fear the next time a terrorist attack hits the US... it'll be "internment camps" all over again. .:. On a lighter note... anybody wanna buy a P-P-P-Powerbook? | (2) comments
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
the san francisco
dear blog, Sorry I've been absent, but there hasn't been much happening until today... I've just been enjoying all the down time of chilling in at my uncle's pad. Today, my uncle took the day off from work, so along with cousin M, they took me to see some tourist spots in downtown San Francisco - the Metreon, Union Square, riding the cable car to Fisherman's Wharf, etc. I've been around San Francisco before as a kid, but it was interesting to see things again as an "adult". Night time, I met up with folks from IIStix Syndicate for dinner at a Korean BBQ joint and dessert at a cafe. Good times. .:. I always enjoy visiting the BA, but I think I'm more than ready to head back home in about 16 hours. I guess Seattle life has been etched into my soul when I crave colder weather and gray skies as opposed to beautiful NorCal sunshine and blue skies. And yeah... dial-up is so lame. | (5) comments
Sunday, December 19, 2004
california love
This little trip to see a wedding and visit family is almost half way over. Brief thoughts: 1. It doesn't really seem like winter when it's sunny and a nice 60 degrees Fahrenheit outside. 2. Family gets older, but everybody still has the same habits... to quote a funny conversation between my Mom and one of my Aunties: Mom: "So, have you been taking your medicine everyday?" Auntie: "You mean the pills or the bourbon?" 3. I <3 Fry's. 4. I <3 Rasputin and Amoeba. 5. Lion dance at a wedding banquet by kungfu kids > DJ playing "Bye Bye Bye" 6. The level of embarrassment of a story my Mom tells about me is still directly proportional to how much I don't know some random stranger. 7. Bay Area traffic sucks. 8. 14.4k dial-up sucks worst. .:. More later. | (3) comments
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
but I'm walkin', finding myself in my God
The line above is from a great song, "Retrospect for Life" by Common. I really like the simplicity of that line, even though the song itself is about something else. I'm not sure why I thought of that line right now, but I suppose it's because the words "retrospective soul" were in my last post. I'm always looking back, I suppose. In about 13 days, it'll be my birthday and I'll turn the grand age of twenty-six, beginning the slow and inevitable march toward three-zero. My apathy about my birthday is pretty constant, but it's not because I really am afraid of old age - ever since the end of my time at UW, my enthusiasm for my own birthday sorta bottomed out. And yes, I suppose it has to do with looking back at the past - because when things in the past remain unresolved, it's hard to take comfort in the future. Because December is the month of Christmas, my birthday, and the New Year, my father's absence in my life is all the more noticeable amid the hoopla of holiday parties, church functions, and family gatherings. When I turn twenty-six this year, I will mark almost 16 years since the age when my father died. These past 16 years have been difficult for me, but the past 3 have seemed the worst by comparison. The underlying thing that got me through those first 13 years was having hope for the future... hope that God would grant a sense of peace or resolution, hope for a better life or that I wouldn't have to claw my way through every single moment in my life. For eight years of junior high and high school, it was hard surviving adolescene without a father - no one to help me with my honors class schoolwork or papers or AP tests; no one to teach me how to drive or help me buy my first car; no one to ask advice about drugs, drinking, girls, etc. Kendo and the many friends I made through it helped a little, but still there was that void... while other kids had their fathers in the stands cheering during fights, I was out on the floor usually fighting alone - my mother rarely came to watch. And through everything, as much as I tried to get along without him, I missed my father and everything he could have been in my life. The emotional scars I carried from his death just seemed to grow heavier every passing year. But still, in the back of my mind, I thought, If I can just get into college, maybe things will feel different. Maybe I'll feel better; maybe things will make sense after I carve out a separate life from where I am now. I was still hopeful and high point of that hope was my baptism my senior year in high school. I thought it'd be a turning point, and for awhile, that's what it was. I entered college, and it was best time for me. For once in my life, I could study the subjects I wanted, meet new people, live away from home, visit different churches - even go on a missions trip to South America to a country I'd never been to before. I attended school on a full scholarship, and worked a campus job to pay other expenses. Each year I devoted hours of my time to ministries I felt called to do, from teaching children at my church, to serving other students at my school via AACF. I met many good, close friends and fell in love - for real. Hope's promise seemed finally fulfilled; I dared to think maybe, just maybe... I was starting to be healed. That finally, despite every difficulty, a future had been granted to me. And that's when it started to unravel. The 13 years were over. It didn't happen all at once... it just slowly built upon itself. As the end of college loomed closer, the endless job searching began. The interviews and many applications. The rejection letters and ignored calls. No problem.. it just takes time and more looking. God is watching out for me, I thought. He'll provide. CoHi 2002 happened, and I was glad for something to put my efforts into. But after it happened, it was the same as before. Days stretched to weeks that stretched to months that stretched to over a year. Jobless, carless, I had to move back home, back to the area I had despised in my junior high and high school days. Friends pitied me or preached to me. My mom would critique and nag me along with frequent verbal beratings. Even my GF joined in once via telephone. I felt hollowed out, empty. A ghost. I stopped wearing the chain and cross I received when I baptized, but I don't think anybody noticed. Hope had quietly slipped away and instead, a silent misery took root. I slept a lot, started stashing a private reserve of alcohol, and became president of the endless zombie states of Garrett. I began to despise everything, including myself. I also wrote a lot on this blog in an attempt maintain some sense of sanity. Most of 2002 and up to September 2003 is filled with painful entries, including this especially angry one. I found some small contract jobs to hold me over, and eventually, made the decision to leave to go to Japan. I felt called to get away from it all, and I can imagine that if I had stayed in the US, I'd probably be burying myself... either in the physical or spiritual sense. Now that I've returned from Japan, I'm daring to believe that hope again is possible. But I'm standing on a very thin margin, my heels on the edge of a cliff while my toes dangle in the empty air. It seems everybody else in the world is moving forward, and I'm still dreading the possibility that another shove will again drive me to the depths of hating everything again, including the One I've placed my faith - because my the last few years have whittled away the hope and trust I once might have had. I could ramble endlessly about the frame of mind that gives me, but the fact is this: I'll always be looking back until I've been restored. Emptiness will always remain until a peace has been granted to me about everything that has happened in the past. There will never be serenity in my life until the 10 year old boy has been healed - that out of his own personal tragedy sprang something better and fulfilled his small hopes. And as long as the void exists, as long the promises of faith remain unfulfilled... there will be doubt... and anger... and... bitterness. .:. I'm off to NorCal tonight to attend another wedding. I'll be back in Seattle next Wednesday. | (4) comments
Monday, December 13, 2004
still looking back
Found the link from Stone's site. Surprisingly accurate in just 9 questions.
.:. | (2) comments
the word of the day is productivity
I got a lot of things to do today, but of course, before I do any of them, I have to write about my plan to do them on this blog. Ha! The urgency factor is a little bit higher than usual because I also am leaving for NorCal this Wednesday and I won't be back until this Wednesday. Stuff to do: -Go to the bank to check on the dough-lo -Go Christmas shopping -Wrap presents -Mail packages to friends for Christmas -Finish applications for job -Start / finish applications for school I need to be motivated, by it's hard. Apathy is sort of an insidious thing... it's born in disappointment, and it's nourished by depression and frustration. For people who have personalities like me, the best thing to do is to pray, spend time with friends who encourage you, and just try to ride it out. This past weekend was a good reminder of that. Friday night was a Christmas party at the House of Ko... camera man Noah took pictures here of the action. He even caught me scratch'n my nose while I was immersed in a hardcover fanboy Transformers book... haha. But yeah... I enjoy these holiday get-togethers, especially since I haven't seen everybody in awhile, being gone in Japan and all. Oh yeah... productivity. I'm off. | (0) comments
Saturday, December 11, 2004
history has a funny sense of humor
Senator Strom Thurmond, who died at age 100 in 2003, was famous for being an opponent of the de-segregation movement, an outspoken racist in the '40s and '50s, and the longest serving senator in US history. He also had a secret: A bi-racial, illegitimate daughter by his family's African American maid. The maid was only 16 years old at the time. "I always thought I had a fairly normal childhood, until I found out my parents weren't who I thought they were." Now the daughter, who's 79, has written a book. Check out an article about it here. | (0) comments
Friday, December 10, 2004
wandering teacher
Today was a strange day. I woke up early to ride with my Mom to her work in Chinatown, and after a brief visit to Uwajimaya for some musubi to snack on, I proceeded to walk from Chinatown to Shiv's school in Madison Park - it took about an hour and half. There's something very spiritual about walking. As I trudged slowly through the rain, rock'n my backpack and umbrella, I passed through several neighborhoods... the Vietnamese enclave outside of the international district; the ghetto-fabulous hood around Martin Luther King Jr. Street; and finally, the posh and well-to-do neighborhood in Madison Park. As I walking solo, with nothing but the rhythmic sound of traffic around me, my mind continued to marinate on the thoughts stewing in my brain since my return from Japan. Once I reached the school, my focus turned back outward to meeting Shiv's co-workers and working with the kids, mostly the pre-k to first graders. I got to see playground time, snack, free play, and the final kicker - storytime with Uncle Garrett. I read a Japanese book I brought back from Japan, called "Obake no Tempura" (Ghost Tempura). I read the entire story in Japanese while Shiv read my rough translation in English. The kids were surprisingly enthralled. I'm going to my first Christmas party of the season tonight. I'm hyped. | (0) comments
from job-bot to blue-bot
In dull buzz of the daily life, the sound of it often gets lost... you just don't hear it, really. If it's Monday, you wake up to the sound of your clock alarm, hit the "OFF" button, and begin moving. You make your morning offering to the pocerlain throne, you wash up, shave, and then you throw on some clothes. If you actually woke up early enough, maybe you fix yourself a snack to eat while you look over the morning paper, and sitting casually while you're having that drink of coffee, juice, tea, or whatever. If you're a pious person, you might say a prayer or read some Scripture. If you live with somebody, and they're up to, maybe you'll say something like, "Bye, Honey" or "Later" or "See Ya" or "Ittekimasu". Then you stand up, take your dishes to the sink, and head out to your car to commute to your job, or if you can, you ride the train. During the entire process, probably no real cognitive or deep thinking took place, because realistically, it wasn't necessary to accomplish any task you did as you were going through the motions. And that's maybe not such a bad thing. But when life slows down and you don't have a job, when you're deprived of the dull buzz of the daily routine, the sound is much more audible. Maybe it starts as a whisper, and it keeps whispering, meandering around in your mind at a steady pace. The quietness strips out the barriers that protect your mind from the sound of that voice. And often, so very often, that voice travels with an entourage. Doubt. Regret. In shades of blue and gray, even when you want to sleep, it speaks to you, painting your sorrow and highlighting your helplessness. Your anger has been blunted by time, and if once you were molded by rage, now, your details are etched with frustration and scratched up with bitterness. And like the bastard work of a forgotten artist, you, the still unfinished, mutilated piece is covered with a large sheet of melancholy, hidden from public eyes. You'd like to ignore what the voice says. That the small whispers that it speaks are fragments of a deluded mind, or that it's the residual influence of mere present circumstances. But when the voice whispers to you, when in the moments of silence you try to meditate deeply about something, anything different... that's when the echo of the voice grows to a roaring crescendo - because it screams in the sound of your own voice. But maybe, just maybe... that's the time it needs to be ignored the most. .:. This was written about 2 years ago. Strange how sometimes some feelings always come back despite time. | (0) comments
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
anti-everything and the cheeks are burning
The older I get, the more I find I'm not cut out for the "American Lifestyle" or even fitting the average definition of being "an American". I don't want to go shopping every weekend, walk alongside hundreds of other consumerist zombies. I don't care about name-brand clothes or the latest sale at the GAP, so I can be dressed like the latest TOOL. I like gadgets and electronics, but if I could, I'd probably use the same computer for 10 years if it wasn't for the fact that software continually presses hardware to upgrade. I don't mind driving a car, but if it was an option, I'd ride the train a lot because it's generally safer, better for the environment, and I don't have to spend my time on a freeway dodging yuppie soccer moms and their obnoxious SUVs. Christmas shopping season magnifies the insanity by a hundred times. I don't think Europeans accents are sexy, and I despise the worship of the Westernized Ideal of Beauty that can be boiled down to "White Folks are the Best-est... especially men!" I don't obsess about my weight, but I'm pretty sure that if I want to be healthy, I have to eat right AND exercise - a revolutionary idea, I know. I don't want plastic surgery either. When I'm hungry, I don't want to eat at McDonald's, or Burger King, or drink coffee at Starbucks... I'd rather dine & drink at the smaller local Mom & Pop restaurant like Miyako's, Pasta Freska, Than Brothers, Orange King, Five Spot, Jitterbug, or a somewhere in Chinatown. When I go grocery shopping, I'd like to buy organic groceries, but realistically, I'll just buy whatever is on sale - because I know I can probably use just about anything to cook myself something odd, but edible. I like homemade cookies and my Mom's Chinese spareribs. Actually, I like just about anything my Mom cooks. I hardly ever watch television, and when I do, it's usually the news, movies, and music videos - in that order. I don't follow any sitcoms, but I admit, recently I've become a fan of Jack & Bobby, which I don't feel so guilty watching because it's an attempt at socially conscious and intelligent television. I don't turn on the radio, because usually it's playing the same 10 crappy songs day after day, and the only stations I can stand for more than a few minutes are 98.1 and 88.5 - classical and jazz music. For the latest hip.hop music that I like, I browse the internet, and download songs - but I usually end copping the albums because I believe in supporting quality artists like Dilated Peoples, Talib Kweli, Mos Def, Jurassic 5, Binary Star, and Blue Scholars. I also spend a lot of time listening to "old music" too - because Frank Sinatra, Al Green, Marvin Gaye, The Temptations, and Rage Against the Machine can still tear it up. I enjoy reading the newspaper, but nowadays, I do that mostly on the internet. I often get lost inside bookstores, new and used. I'd like to work, but I'm not so interested in being rich, though, hey - what person wouldn't mind it? I don't own stock, and besides being a cheapskate, my knowledge of manipulating my mammon to maximize my stash is pretty limited. I want a job, but not for the possibility of it helping me accumulate crazy cash flows, but because I believe it's good to work and I just want enough money to support myself, a family, and any future seeds. I want my children to be able to speak more languages than just English and I want them to live abroad outside of America at least once so they can understand what it means to be American. I enjoy competition because part of my personality is naturally competitive, but I don't take it as seriously as many of my friends do. I can enjoy watching basketball, baseball, and football, but I don't obsess over stats or follow every single game, because I find I want to spend my time doing something else. I do play a lot of video games, which admittedly is a bit of a time-consuming interest, but hey, everybody needs a hobby and outlet to blow off some steam. Speaking of blowing off steam, I guess that's what this entry is about. Sometimes, I'm just tired of it all. .:. nothing sacred Beckham and Posh Spice posing as the parents of Jesus? Ugh. European disrespect for all things spiritual continues. | (7) comments
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
I'm not Chinese, I'm Irish
Names can be a really funny thing. My first name isn't very common and it's actually most common as a last name. For fun, I actually looked up my name on one of those genealogy sites and this is what I found: The name is of Irish origin, and the family crest / coat of arms consists of the colors of red and white. The family motto is "Semper Fidelis" (Always Faithful), which of course is famous as the US Marine motto. Random Garrett remarks in regards to the above:
Doesn't it make you wanna name your kid Garrett? (/sarcasm) :P | (1) comments
Monday, December 06, 2004
because for every question, there's an answer...
...just maybe not the one you want. .:. 1. Tell me something obvious about you. I got bushy eyebrows and a shaved head. 2. Tell me something about you that many don't know. I'm pretty much an open book. 3. What is your biggest fear? The usual... failure, regret, and large mushrooms. 4. Do you normally go the safe route or take the short cut? Depends on circumstances and my mood, but if I'm in a rush I'm likely to make a really, really bad decision... call it a "stupid cut". 5. Name one thing you want that you can't buy with money. My father back. 6. What is your most treasured possession? A combination of things: a necklace & charm given to me by my mom / sister; a box of cassette tapes of my father's old sermons so I can still hear his voice. 7. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do often? I procrastinate a lot. My temper rises a lot (internally that is). 8. Tell me something sexually about you that I don't know. I find armed women with dark hair, glasses and attitudes to be oddly attractive. 9. Tell me something sexually about you that everyone knows. I'm a man. A very straight man. 10. What is your favorite lie to tell? "Of course I'm working on it right now... it'll be done tomorrow!" 11. Name something you've done once that you can't wait to do again. Travel outside of the USA and live in a foreign country. 12. Are you the jealous type? Borrowing someone's answer... Internally: Very. I'm imagining ways to disembowel you with a sword. Outwardly: Expressionless. Cooler than a polar bear's toenails. 13. What is the one person, place or thing you can't say no to? Crying children or young children, especially girls, who give me the "sad face with pouting lower lip." If I ever have any daughters, they'll pOwn me. 14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you? I owe a lot to a lot of people, but in recent memory: my sister and GF made a scrapbook filled with photos and letters from my friends before I left to go to Japan. 15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be? Slap around my fellow Americans and say, "Vincent Chin! Wha wha wha!" 16. When was the last time you cried? Saying goodbye to my host family at Kansai Airport in Osaka. 17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered? I haven't had that feeling in awhile... a long while. 18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on? I'm not down with male nudity in public, especially my own. 19. Name something embarrassing you did while being drunk. Nothing really, unless I count the time I threw up right in front of my friend's restaurant in Osaka after going overboard on whiskey, sake, and beer for 2 hours. 20. If you post this in your journal would you like me to answer it? Do as you will... just don't do it here. .:. Borrowed from hipstomp. | (1) comments
Friday, December 03, 2004
iron chef gar: the birthday edition
It was Shiv's birthday last night, so like the dutiful BF that I am, I did my best to throw her a party and cook for her. I decided to try to make okonomiyaki (pron. "o-ko-no-mi-ya-ki") from scratch, a favorite dish in the Osaka/Kansai area where I stayed in Japan and something that's pretty much unknown here in America. Shiv got to eat some when she visited me in Japan, so the pressure was on for me to make an authentic approximation of the dish. I pieced together a recipe using Google, but my biggest worry was about finding the sauce, but luckily, Uwajimaya saved the day (whoohoo!). They actually had the same brand of sauce that my host mother would always use with her tasty homemade okonomiyaki. Combined with a $18 hot grill from Target, I'd say the result was a success - Shiv and everybody devoured all the okonomiyaki I made. Kata! The chef also got tickle attacked by the nannee of my sister, the nanny (in between episodes of VegiTales, of course.). 
Ah, if only my life was filled always with such laughter. .:. In retrospect, maybe I went a bit overboard in preparing the okonomiyaki. After all, it was my first try cooking it and there are other things I can make. But I have strong feelings about the celebration of birthdays, probably because of my experiences with my own. I vow never to have a kid born near Christmas or New Year. To completely forget or ignore someone's birthday... it's a horrible thing to do. You might as well say, It doesn't really matter that you're alive... in fact, it doesn't really matter that you even exist. Hell, why were you born? Birthdays are more than just having a party on the anniversary of the day that someone flew (or was yanked) out of their mother's womb. Celebrating a birthday is showing love to a person, and recognizing a person's existence in the world as something important. Celebrating a birthday says, You're a part of my life. My life is connected to your life and I consider the fact that you're alive to be significant. I'm not a proponent of egomania or self-centered thinking, but a birthday is unique in that a single person's intrinsic value can be focused on and celebrated - that they because God created them, they matter and their life has worth. People, especially those who claim to have faith, need to remember that fact. Sure, there's love in saying "Happy Birthday"... but there's a whole lot more love in taking action to show someone you really are thankful for them being born - make a card, or buy a present... cook food or write a note... burn a CD or give a book. Do something. Naw mean? (/end birthday rant) | (4) comments
Thursday, December 02, 2004
sing me a song
*EDIT: Link to song fixed. Thx Mel.* Continuing on last post's thoughts, I associate a lot of songs with my time in Japan... most of them being the songs that were popular at the time I was there. But if I were to perhaps pick one song that reminds me the most of my experiences there, it would be the song "Sakura" by Naotaro Moriyama (Moriyama -> fam. name). Why "Sakura"? A song that deals with leaving and parting? Learning to deal with mujo (or what we might call "impermanence") is tough... I always seem to waver between resigning to it in one moment and cursing it the next. My pride hates resignation and my rationality despises my stubbornness. Argh. At the beginning of my time in Japan, it seemed like the one year length of stay stretched before me in at imperceivable length. I suppose part of being human though, is overcoming that sort of shortsightness... but after attending many goodbye parties for friends, and my own time reaching about 8 months, the realization of "nothing is going to be as it is now" crept up on me. But I digress... all thoughts and their lessons are stirred in my mind when I hear the song. And memories of my friends in Japan are summoned as well... a Japanese-Canadian friend introduced me to the song (thx. Kaori) and it became sorta my one Japanese song to sing whenever I went out to karaoke with my friends - close friends, Japanese friends, fellow teachers, students... many people who perhaps, I'll never see again in this lifetime. But I don't want to think about that. With a mic in one hand, and glass of cheap whiskey in the other, it goes... bokura wa kitto matteru kimi to mata aeru hibi wo sakura namiki no michi no ue de te o furi sakebu yo donna ni kurushii toki mo kimi wa waratteiru kara kujikesou ni narikakete mo gambareru ki ga shita yo kasumiyuku keshiki no naka ni ano hi no uta ga kikoeru sakura sakura ima sakihokoru setsuna ni chiriyuku sadame to shitte saraba tomo yo tabidachi no toki kawaranai sono omoi wo ima ima nara ieru darou ka itsuwari no nai kotoba kagayakeru kimi no mirai wo negau hontou no kotoba utsuriyuku machi ha maru de bokura o sekasu you ni sakura sakura tada maiochiru itsuka umarekawaru toki o shinji naku na tomo yo ima sekibetsu no toki kazaranai ano egao de saa sakura sakura iza maiagare towa ni sanzameku hikari o abite saraba tomo yo mata kono basho de aou sakura maichiru michi no ue de You can download the original song right here (shift + rightclick) Someone's English translation of the lyrics (edited by myself, of course): No doubt, we're waiting for the day we can see you again. On the street lined with cherry blossom trees overhead, we'll wave our hands and yell out. Whenever we suffer or start to lose heart We feel we can keep going because you're smiling. We can hear the song from back then from in those hazy scenes. cherry blossoms now in full bloom scattered fleetingly I know it's fate, farewell my friend. when it's time to leave on your journey, with that unchanging feeling. now. Now, I wonder if we can say those words without pretense. Words from the heart, Words to hope for your bright future. It's as if the bussling city is rushing us. cherry blossoms just floating to the ground believing one day they'll be reborn Don't cry, friend, now it's a shame we have to part with that simple smile... ahh cherry blossoms now flying in the air eternally rustling awash in light farewell my friend let's meet again here. on the street scattered with cherry blossoms. .:. I'm still on Japan time... it's about 11PM. Lord, bless and guide those I love there. | (3) comments
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
audiobiography
Last night, I went saw my friend Abe's band, audiobiography, play at Crocodile Cafe. Here's a picture of the band, with Abe upfront rockin' the thug mug / face on contemplation. It was my first time hearing his band play, and despite the fact that I'm mainly a hip-hop head, I enjoyed the experience a lot... I suppose the band might be labled alternative-pop-rock, but their music sorta escapes easy classification and that's not a bad thing. The a song they played called "December's Inspiration" seemed to stick in my head after the event - maybe because both liked the tune and the lyrics (an mp3 can be downloaded from the site). Some of the lyrics I liked: hey, have you ever seen the shore of that dream beach lost at war? More or less you've seen before yearning for that dream come true. Second time around the chance sunny days wasted since so work on it in rainy days, pull a muscle and clinch your teeth Good stuff. Contemplating the cleverness of the name "audiobiography", I thought about how true it is that life and music really are intertwined - especially for people who like music, there's always a tendency to always associate music with certain life experiences. That's probably why large-scale mp3 players like the iPod are so popular - when your mind recalls a memory and that memory recalls a song... it's nice to have a device that's carrying 1000+ songs. There's a lot of songs that I now associate with Japan... but more on that later. | (0) comments
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in?scrip?tion (n-skrip-shun)n.
the facts.
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