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Thursday, March 31, 2005
gray skies, closed eyes, and sleepless wanderings
Wednesday was a strange day. Maybe it was the partly-cloudy / sunny weather, or maybe it was the incessantly strange sleeping patterns... but I often get the feeling of being asleep while I'm awake and being awake while I sleep. And I'm still compelled to write the boring details of it all in this blog. .:. the intro So before my Mom left for work yesterday, we had an odd conversation about the local Safeway. Apparently, they've finally finished all the expensive remodeling of the store and they were gonna have a "grand re-opening" between 8am to 8pm to celebrate the fact that people can now buy their groceries off fancier looking shelves. My conversation with my mother went something like this: MOM: You know, the Safeway is having a grand re-opening today. me: (...) MOM: You should go there. me: ...why? MOM: Because they're giving away free stuff!!! me: What kind of free stuff? MOM: I don't know, but it's free! me: (...) My mother then went on to explain at length that she was going to have dinner with her friends after work and wasn't going to be able to make it home in time to stop by the store. She then reiterated her request that I go to the store before leaving for work. It wasn't until after a nap on the couch that I wandered out to the Safeway to check it out. I guess the Chinese-American cultural mandate to be thrifty couldn't resist the lure of freebies. Bah. .:. chapter 1: party at safeway As soon I parked my car in the parking lot, I had the inkling that it was a mistake to come. The parking lot was jammed with cars, and as soon as I stepped into the store, I noticed the crowds of people and the long lines at the check-out. You'd think over a year of life in Japan and I'd be desensitized to crowds, but I still disliked it. There were balloons and decorations everywhere, but the Safeway didn't look that much nicer than I remembered it, except the produce aisles were better laid out and the wine section was bigger. The whole place had a carnival atmosphere to it, and not just because of the decorations. Employees were handing out free food and drink samples (like Costco), and every few minutes, they'd announce over the intercom that a lucky shopper had won something at the checkout stand like a DVD player or a gift card. Yipee. The prices were good, though... I did my best to resist all the "buy one, get one free" deals, but I ended up purchasing some essential items like OJ, microwave popcorn, and some Mother's cookies (the frosted animal cookies, of course). .:. chapter 2: pink orca lady As I headed to the register, I decided to wait at the ironically-named "express check-out" line, which turned out to be a ridiculous 15+ minute ordeal. On the entertaining side, I happened to have chatty line mates - the woman directly in front of me was a short blonde woman with tattoos in her mid-30s and behind me was an elderly couple. The woman's cart had a big box of diapers, baby food, a bag of dog food, and some assorted fruits / vegetables. The elderly couple had some snacks and a magazine. Funny how you can tell a lot about people by the groceries they buy. Blonde Tattooed Mom was the first one to speak, making comments about how much she hates waiting in lines and how she spends her commute everyday to Tacoma sitting in traffic. I silently nodded and as I glanced absentmindedly over a TIME magazine issue about Jesus, I spotted the woman in front of Blonde Tattooed Mom - a large, pale, morbidly obese orca-esque lady wearing a bright pink t-shirt... along with a mini-purse backpack that only seemed to make her look more massive. As she stood in line, she seemed to sway back and forth, like the Titanic lurching in the cold Atlantic. I don't know how I missed seeing her before. Nevertheless, the real odd thing about Pink Orca Lady was her shopping cart - it was filled with a mass of 4 or 5 plastic sacks of already bagged groceries. I must have been staring at it all with an odd expression on my face, because Blond Tattooed Mom leaned over to me and whispered behind a covered hand, "I think she (Pink Orca Lady) is trying to win some free stuff... she's already bought groceries several times and she keeps waiting in line. How annoying." I smiled and I heard the elderly couple behind me chuckle... they must have heard Blond Tattooed Mom too. As Pink Orca Lady approached the checkstand again, the four of us waited with baited breath to see if she would win... but nothing happened. Over the announcements, another shopper had won a free DVD player, but it wasn't our checkstand. Being next, Blond Tattooed Mom had already quickly moved her groceries from the cart to checkstand conveyor. The clerk scanned the groceries and as Blond Tattooed Mom finished paying with her credit card, a series of beeps went off at the register computer. "You've won a $20 shopping gift card!" the clerk announced to a surprised Blond Tattooed Mom. "Really?!" exclaimed Blond Tattooed Mom. Pink Orca Lady spun around with a disgusted look on her face and grumbled something under her breath before lumbering off. The four of us laughed aloud. The husband from the elderly couple leaned over to me with a smile and said, "Dude, she (Blonde Tattooed Mom) just ruined your chances of getting some free stuff!" "Oh well." I said as I shrugged my shoulders. Blond Tattooed Mom has got a baby and dog. I've got... well, what I have, it's going to take a helluva lot more than a $20 gift card to help with. .:. chapter 3: no really, i eat here a lot The whole waiting in line at Safeway had made me hungry, so I stopped by my favorite Mom & Pop Korean teriyaki joint for some takeout. When I got there, I was surprised to see a new Korean girl working there instead of the usual Korean girl who takes my orders. Normally, that's not a problem, but being a regular has benefits like people always knowing your order (as fellow writer James noted about his local Starbucks). I couldn't just casually stroll in and say in a oh-so-cool way, "The usual." Nope, I had to say my whole order... "One chicken teriyaki / chicken katsu combo to go, no drink." "Ummm... uhhh" I could see her eyes darting around the menu on the sidewall. I pointed to the picture, bottom row, third from the left. I tried hard to smile and not look as grouchy as I usually do after I've just subjected to crowds of people. "Thanks!" she nervously muttered as she scribbled down my order and rung it up on the register, before turning around and yelling something to the kitchen in Korean. "First day on the job?" I asked. "Yeah..." she replied with a serious expression on her face. She looked like only a kid in high school. Gotta love the all encompassing immigrant Asian work ethic... start 'em young. .:. epilogue: dinner and tv With groceries and take-out in hand, I returned home to eat, drink, and enjoy the final episodes of the Sci-Fi network series Battlestar Galactica that I had BitTorrent'd. Entertaining stuff. A future where human civilization has been destroyed by the rebellion of the same sentient bio-mechanical machines that they had created as slave labor? It seems more and more plausible these days. At least to me. | (0) comments 
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
jiaozi on my mind
So last night, I went out to eat with some of the guys from the Wudan crew to celebrate the end of Lent and Easter at this joint on the eastside imaginatively named "Sichuanese Cuisine". We ate Chinese hotpot (which of couse was all-you-can-eat), but the highlight for me was the dumplings... they were freak'n delicious. Some math: 7 hungry guys 1 hot pot 4 plates of tofu 4 plates of tripe and noodles 4 plates of cabbage 5 plates of meat 5 plates of dumplings 20 dumplings per a plate = 7 full guys. Even though I was full, I went to sleep dreaming about those dumplings. Mmm. | (2) comments
Monday, March 28, 2005
Easter retrospect
Celebrating Easter back here in American again definitely is an odd contrast to my celebration of the holiday last year when I was in Japan. Where as here in America, there's a bombardment of pastel decorations, plastic eggs, and plush bunnies, Easter time in Japan was one of almost one of complete neglect. Call me strange, but given the choice of an over-commercialized Babylonian wackfest to a state of zero neglect, I'd pick zero neglect. At least in Japan, they're honest about not caring about the holiday. For myself, Sunday was a church double-header... I went to CBC in the morning and then to Faith Bible Church in the afternoon. Even though the services at each were a little different, I enjoyed going. The service at CBC featured a lot of hymnal music, and my favorite, the choir, which along with the pastoral message, created a mood of more quiet reverence and happiness. At FBC, there was a performance by a childrens' choir (cute), lots of worship songs (Hillsong), and a great pastoral message about the importance of hope. The thing I enjoyed the most though was the baptism service at FBC. Maybe I'm a little bit biased (I was baptized on Easter also in 1997), but I'm always moved by people's personal testimonies and struggles. Five people were baptized and everyone gave their testimony - one girl even gave their testimony completely in Japanese, which surprised me in how much I could understand. After the church services, the rest of the day was spent celebrating in a typical Asian way: food. I ate Easter brunch at home with my Mom and Shiv (poor sister had to work... evil companies). Then in the evening, we all went over to the Fong family house for some more eating. It was good... it's in those relaxed family times that I really feel most laidback. .:. al grant charged rant Somebody posted this link to Anagramsite.com on the IIStix board. Funny what a name can spell. | (3) comments
Friday, March 25, 2005
solemn
Always worth posting on Good Friday. .:. "He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him. Surely our griefs He Himself bore, And our sorrows He carried; Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken, Smitten of God, and afflicted. But He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him, And by His scourging we are healed. All of us like sheep have gone astray, Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all To fall on Him. He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He did not open His mouth; Like a lamb that is led to slaughter, And like a sheep that is silent before its shearers, So He did not open His mouth. By oppression and judgment He was taken away; And as for His generation, who considered That He was cut off out of the land of the living For the transgression of my people, to whom the stroke was due?" -Isaiah 53:3-8 | (2) comments
Thursday, March 24, 2005
not a festive holiday
The end of Lent and the celebration of Easter is once almost here, and I find that my feelings about this time of year haven't changed really much in the past 15 years. Since this month is the anniversary of my father's passing, it's an annual juxtaposition of the death of my Dad and the death of Christ. I was also baptized on Easter... my senior year in high school. In a world of commercialized bunny rabbits, colored eggs and pastel-colored schwag, I think every Christian struggles to recapture the essence of Easter each year. Our entire faith is founded on the notion that one man, both completely God and also completely human, sacrificed himself for a human race that couldn't save itself. The mystery of the faith is that every person interprets this same sacrifice in a different way. For myself, despite the sacredness of the holiday, I can't help but think a lot about my father. Maybe for some Christians, the fact that I can't completely focus on Christ during Easter is a personal failing, but that's how it is. My somberness during March is a combination of both contempation of my father and my faith, but honestly, especially in the past few years, one passing has grown larger than the other. And I don't feel that bad about it at all. .:. news hound No surprises that this went under the media radar... It looks like the current presidential administration is no different from any other when it comes to so-called "faith-based community initiatives". In the war over the budget, the $8 billion in tax incentives for faith-based organizations got axed. Oops. Yeah, I'm sure all those huge corporations scamming their investors and CEOs needed the tax breaks a lot more than all those silly churches and organizations engaging in feeding the homeless, taking care of youth, and providing substance abuse rehabilitation. Go compassionate conservatism! (/sarcasm) ... Oh, and Bobby Fischer has been released from Japanese custody and is now a citizen of Iceland. But he had harsh words for U.S. and Japanese officials, calling Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi "mentally ill" and a "stooge" of President George W. Bush. "This was a kidnapping because the charges that the Japanese charged me with are totally nonsense," Fischer said on his flight from Tokyo to Copenhagen, Denmark, where he stopped before travelling on to Iceland. In the interview, he unleashed an angry diatribe against the United States. "The United States is an illegitimate country...just like the bandit state of Israel - the Jews have no right to be there, it belongs to the Palestinians," said Fischer, whose mother was Jewish. "That country, the United States, belongs to the red man, the American Indian...It's actually a shame to be a so-called American because everybody living there is...an invader." Whoa, Bobby. Rock on. | (0) comments
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
tuning out
Between the ruckus over the Schiavo case and the horrible school shooting in Minnesota, I'm glad my TV is off... it's much easier to see past the political grand-standing and contemplate the real issues by reading the newspapers. Aiyah. .:. traveling man On a random note, I have an itch again to travel this summer... planes, trains, roadtrip, whatever. Anybody down for an adventure? My original spring scheme to visit the motherland fell through, so I'm looking into other options. On a side note, I stumbled on this cool blog in Jordan, and then there was, of all things... a door-to-door solicitor. Normally, I just pretend to not be home, but looking through the window, I saw it was just a single girl, about junior-high or high school age. I thought it was an opportunity to buy more Girl Scout cookies, so I opened the door. She probably looked shocked to see some scruffy-faced, shaved-head guy in glasses, but she smiled and introduced herself. I didn't see any cookies. Dang it. According to the girl, she's on a girls' soccer team that got invited to play in a tournament England and to pay for the team's trip, she's selling magazine subscriptions. I asked her if she's ever traveled outside the US before and of course, she answered, "No..." It occurred to me that maybe it was all scam (I was thinking of the guy inOffice Space), but in the case of young people, I try to rein in my cynicism. So yeah, I bought a subscription... an expensive one too. The little girl was so excited, she jumped and gave me a high-five. Ha. | (4) comments
Monday, March 21, 2005
a boring update on an eventful weekend
For myself, lack of updates on this blog always coincide with being "busy" in the "real world" (random note: isn't it "funny" how "annoying" it can be when people start "overusing" the whole "quotation emphasis" thing). Since this is the last weekend Grace and Joe were up in Seattle, I went up to the Greenwood house on Saturday thinking I'd catch a movie and meet them with Shiv. Unfortunately, my gross underestimation of traffic caused me to be late and we weren't able to catch movie, but had enough time to wait at the house for Steph, who received a letter from UCLA notifying for her of acceptance into their MIT program (congrats, Steph!) Another friend sucked into the filthy, unwashed bellybutton of America, Los Angeles. The three of us (me, Shiv, Steph) headed together north, since Grace and Joe had an important family dinner later that night (the all important first lengthy encounter, da-dum!) While I've already had fun mocking Grace's paranoia about the outbreak of the Korean War II between her family and her soon-to-be in-laws, everybody thought it best to meet somewhere north to avoid the hideous traffic. Unfortunately, Joe was sick and we weren't able to meet up together. Instead, Shiv, Steph, and I had mall adventures at Alderwood. Before tales of my fashion semi-humiliation circulate via the Greenwood Girls, I make this statement: yes, to the jeans, but no to suit jackets worn solo or pastel-colored polo shirts. A man like myself has to maintain what little pride he has left. After Alderwood, the three of us caught a movie at the Metro. More on that later. It wasn't until late Sunday afternoon that all of us were able to get together and chat for a little bit at University Village Starbucks. It's amazing and strange how time flies and how another couple of friends will soon be married - but I'm also looking forward to visiting LA again to see Grace and Joe's big day. .:.  So the movie I saw on Saturday at the Metro was "The Sea Inside" (original Spanish title, Mar Adentro), which I highly recommend to anybody who likes foreign movies and dramas... I enjoyed it a lot. For those who haven't heard about the movie, it's biopic about the real-life story of Ramon Sampedro, a quadroplegic Spanish man who fought for the legal right to end his own life. Crippled at young age in an ocean diving accident, he's completely dependant on others to live (or die, depending on your views). Obviously because of the themes, there have been a lot of comparisons to "Million Dollar Baby", but the two movies are both structurally and stylistically different. In "The Sea Inside", the movie begins with Ramon already confined to life in bed because of the accident. The story focuses on Ramon's relationships to his family, and three women (Julia, Gene, & Rosa). Every person has their own views on whether or not Ramon's wish to die is valid, and while Ramon's character remains more or less the same throughout the whole movie, his contact with the other characters causes those characters to grow and change. Besides the three women, the main characters are his father, his older brother, his sister-in-law, and his nephew. Whether or not you enjoy the movie probably depends on if you're willing to delve in the emotional complexity of each of the relationships that Ramon has, but I'd definitely want to watch the movie again. Like the ocean that is so central to the movie, there's a lot going on underneath the surface. The movie doesn't really force an opinion on the viewer, but it does ask us to think carefully... issues of death and how we die are invariably intertwined with issues of life and how we choose to live. As a side note, watching the movie made me wish I spoke and understood Spanish... I'm sure it'd add a lot more to my understanding of the movie, just like my (limited) ability to understand Japanese and Mandarin Chinese helps when I watch movies from Japan and China. | (0) comments
Friday, March 18, 2005
itsumo fresh
 Happy music for the weekend... m-flo loves EMYLI & Diggy Mo'. Can you feel my heart sing la-la-la-la? kimi wa (DO-DO-DO-DOPAMINE!) doko yara? sagashi ni kite, where ever you are soshite fly away (a arararaa a aa YEAH!) into outerspace (lyrics courtesy of mog.net) For the curious, you can help yourself to the song right here. (right click + "save as") You can also check out the music video here: -Part 1 -Part 2 .:. In random news, I've just discovered my web account storage allocation is now 100 megabytes for no additional cost... which is 5 times bigger than when I first bought the account back in 2002. wh00t. | (0) comments
Thursday, March 17, 2005
self stoic
"You must know that good men should behave similarly; they must not shrink from hardship and difficulty or complain of fate; they should take whatever befalls in good part and turn it to advantage. The thing that matters is not what you bear... but how you bear it. Observe how differently fathers and mothers show their affection. Fathers make their children get up to attend to their task betimes; even on holidays they do not suffer them to be idle, but drive them to sweat and sometimes to tears. Mothers want to cuddle them in their laps, keep them in the shade, never let them be disappointed or cry or work hard. God's attitude to good men is a father's; his love for them is a manly love. 'Let them be harassed by toil and sorrow and loss,' says he, 'that so they may acquire true strength.' Pampered bodies grow sluggish through sloth; not work, but movement and their own weight exhausts them. Prosperity unbruised cannot endure a single blow, but a man who has been at constant feud with misfortunes acquires a skin calloused by suffering; he yields to no evil and even if he stumbles, carries the fight on, upon his knee." -Seneca the Younger, (3BC - 65AD) .:. Spring is for new beginnings and re-starts. More: -praying -reading -productivity -compassion Less: -anger -cynicism -thoughtlessness -being idle -self-medicating -napping -wasting That is all. Happy St.Patrick's Day. | (2) comments
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
ramblings
 Last night, it was was G-Sakamoto's (my Japanese alter-ego) birthday, so a group of over 20 of us mobbed up everyone's favorite Korean food joint, Hosoonyi. Because of the size, the group had to split up into 3 different tables, but everyone seemed to have a great time - people who hadn't seen each other for awhile were able to meet and talk. It was pretty much like a UW AACF reunion. The above picture is a group shot of everybody, but unfortunately, the picture turned out blurry (someone else took the pic, not me... everyone who operates my digicam seems to not understand how to use the autofocus by slowly depressing the button). So what happens when someone else takes a blurry picture with your camera? Play with it in Photoshop, of course. .:. "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd." -Mark 6:34 Post-Hosoonyi, most people departed because it was getting late. A small remainder of us went to the northside Pochi's for bubble tea and to hang out. I forgot exactly how it happened, but the conversation went from reminiscing about AACF and CoHi to talking about the current spiritual health of the Seattle Asian American Christian community of "our generation". Not exactly a light conversation. (begin rant) I have very strong feelings about a lot of the current issues we're facing, but whenever I feel like writing about them, I find myself deleting things almost as soon as I write them because perhaps somethings are better left unsaid, especially when I know my views are neither popular nor diplomatic. I blew off some steam once in this entry awhile back. All I can say is that I'm filled with great sadness when I contemplate these problems - the lack of leadership, the disintegration of many Asian American churches, the absence of unity and interchurch cooperation, the sheep stealing, the stalling of CoHi, the weakening of AACF, the popularization of callous, self-interested, entertainment-driven, Christianity - I see a mass of interconnected problems. The dirty secret that many Christian people don't want to talk about is that these problems have not been directly inflicted on us by the world... they are problems created and perpetuated by Christians against Christians. Some leaders grow weary of serving when those they serve show no interest in helping or being gracious. Some people never can fully assume leadership positions because those who were leaders, never properly developed successors. Mature Christians driven by a want to evangelize, devote time and energy into converting someone to Christianity - only to abandon them and leave them unmentored after they're baptized. Conservative churches sometimes refuse to accommodate the change necessary to help minister to members physically and spiritually younger than them. Some Christians frequently abandon their committments to churches when they find that the churches are no longer entertaining or a "good fit for their style of worship". In searching for a church that "helps them grow spiritually", it's never a surprise when the new church chosen has latest awesome speaker / cool music / edgy philosophy / hot (and single) girls/guys. In fact, the less age variation, the better - why go to regular church, when you can go to one that just resembles a giant fellowship group. Churches hold faux interchurch praise nights by assembling a program without consulting anybody else - then announcing that other churches should come to their church. Some Christians criticize non-Christians and the government for being shallow while in the next breath, they brag about the latest gas-guzzling SUV or triple-digit price tag namebrand clothing they've bought. Other Christians shout about being socially conscious and aiding the less fortunate, but always fail to show up when there are calls for volunteers to work with local children, visit Kin On and Keiro, or just tutor some high school students. Some Christians idea of "service" is limited exclusively to the one that starts at 10:00 AM. I hate to write these things down, but I've seen it with my own eyes. Every human being who's ever been alive, has at some point been guilty of rationalizing their selfish motives as something noble - I am no exception. But now cliche, cover-all Christian rationalizations echo in empty churches... "blah, blah not meeting my needs"... "...yadda, yadda, I don't like so and so"... "blah, blah it's too boring"... "yadda, yadda I dislike those worship songs". I wish I was the only one who sensed these problems, because at least that'd mean I'm only one nutty enough to see them. But when I speak to friends, to peers from my age group, they sense it too... the vacuum that lies hidden in the heart of Seattle's young Asian American Christian community. The name even rolls awkwardly - young, Asian American, Christian. It is a minority lost within a minority, within a minority. So what? Is it time for all is who are disheartened to abandon their tired old ethnic churches to join the cool new wave? Is it time to leave Seattle for California dreaming? To say "so long, suckers" to my own community? Is it best to start sleeping in and having personal Sunday siestas? My stubborn faith and my compassion for the Asian American community won't let see those as solutions... maybe there are no solutions. And perhaps, that is how it is meant to be. I doubt anybody but myself and God had the stamina to plow through this, anyways. (end rant) [edit] - My friend Jon meditating on similar and related things. | (2) comments
Monday, March 14, 2005
happy white day
So what's White Day? It's funny, I do vaguely remember giving presents on White Day last year when I was in Japan, but I received so much chocolate on Valentine's Day (the advantage of working at a school with a high female population, heh) it was tough to remember everybody whom I was supposed to repay all the chocolate... haha. Yeah, such a commercial holiday... Actually, allergies were driving me crazy last year. Freak'n allergies... Pollen, I hate you. | (0) comments
AudioScrobbler
Do you like music? Are you curious about other people's musical tastes? Do you think a person's musical choices reflect on their character? I got hooked into this sexy new site called AudioScrobbler from davefonic's blog. It's basically a social networking site, but via musical tastes - you download a plugin for your comp's audio prog (iTunes, Winam, Windows Media, etc) and it tracks info about what music you're listening to, favorite artists, what you like, etc. You then can form groups with friends or people with similar tastes to see what they're listening to, which in turn can give you ideas for new music you'd like to check out. Pretty dope, eh? It's also free and requires no e-mail addy to sign up. My username: enscriptCHUN Friendster? Xanga? PSHHHHHHHHHHT. On a somewhat related musical note (heh), I remember once laughing uncontrollably when my friend Chris said that I'm just like Barry from High Fidelity, after a rant in which I dogged on his choices in pop music. Yes, I know I have Musical Anti-Conformity Tendencies. Or what many people lack, in better words: "good taste" That's right, suckas... BURN YOUR RADIO. | (0) comments
Saturday, March 12, 2005
time
 Thanks to everybody who contributed via e-mail. Props. .:. I've been reflecting a lot on time lately... it's strange to think how much I think about it even though I'm only 26 years old. But March and the annual Easter season always makes me think about time. When I was a kid, I can remember never really caring about time. Everything was in the moment. I'd spend hours playing with my LEGOs or Atari... later Nintendo. When my sister and I used to spend summers at the church while my father worked, I'd spend hours drawing these elaborate pictures of hulking robots, modeled after animals or dinosaurs, bristling with gun emplacements, radars, and sheathed in weird camoflage color schemes that I'd scribble with my crayons - a robo-dinosaur with yellow and red stripes sticks out in my mind. When my mother and her friends would drag me along shopping, I'd bury my head in a book and time would disappear. After my father died, and all those years I hated being in junior high and high school, I can remember how much I wanted time to pass by faster. I couldn't wait to grow up and to become an adult... anything to distance me from those dull feelings of loss and emptiness. In my mind, it was almost if I imagined that time itself would make me a different person, somebody completely removed from who I was. I know all too well now that it was a foolish thing to think. In these past few years, now I can only imagine the "what ifs" if I could undo every mis-step, mistake, and regret. I no longer desire time to pass by quickly... the whimsical thoughts that play in my mind scheme about turning it back. .:. Time may help some people ease their pain or forget. For other people, they carry time with them as much as time carries them. Every person is an ever-present collection of time passed... our characters, our very humanity seem bound to time. We spend it, we pass it, we waste it, or take it. We say we make it or give it, but nobody can truly manufacture it, create it, or get it back. Even now, I can already feel the longing that comes when one regrets that time was squandered. With 20/20 vision, the urge to stare backward comes as naturally to me as breathing. It wants to fixate my gaze on time gone by until my eyes roll back into my head... but I shouldn't. However, to neglect the time passing now would be to forget my hopes for a time yet to come. And part of me still believes that that future will draw near... but only in a time that will come on its own. | (9) comments
Friday, March 11, 2005
intellectual all-stars
 "To engage in a serious discussion of race in America, we must begin not with the problems of black people but with the flaws of American society - flaws rooted in the historic inequalities and longstanding cultural stereotypes. How we set up the terms for discussing racial issues shapes our perception and response to these issues. As long as black people are viewed as a "them," the burden falls on blacks to do all the "cultural" and "moral" work necessary for healthy race relations. The implication is that only certain Americans can define what it means to be American - and the rest must simply "fit in"... ...and a pervasive spiritual impoverishment grows. The collapse of meaning in life - the eclipse of hope and absence of love of self and others, the breakdown of family and neighborhood bonds - leads to the social deracination and cultural denudement of urban dwellers, especially children. We have created rootless, dangling people with little link to the supportive networks - family, friends, school - that sustain some sense of purpose in life. We have witnessed the collapse of the spiritual communities that in the past helped Americans face despair, disease, and death and that transmit through the generations dignity and decency, excellence and elegance. ...the result is lives of what we might call "random nows," of fortuitous and fleeting moments preoccupied with "getting voer" - with acquiring pleasure, property, and power by any means necessary. (This is not what Malcolm X meant by this famous phrase.) Post-modern culture is more and more a market culture dominated by gangster mentalities and self-destructive wantonness. The culture engulfs all of us - yet is impact on the disadvantaged is devastating, resulting in extreme violence in everyday life. Sexual violence against women and homicidal assaults by young black men on one another are only the most obvious signs of this empty, quest for pleasure, property, and power." -Cornel West, Race Matters .:. I just started reading Race Matters by Cornel West (Princeton professor of Religion) and I'm really impressed by the book. If I were to re-live my university career and I magically could pick any professor to take classes from, I'd definitely put Professor West up there with Noam Chomsky and Robert Putnam. Speaking of Chomsky and Putnam, I read on Jeff Lam's xanga that Chomsky will be in Seattle on April 20th to speak for free at the UW's Meany Hall. Tickets are free, but given his popularity and Seattle's liberal slant, I'm guessing it's gonna be tough to get in. The title of talk will be "Illegal but Legitimate: A Dubious Doctrine for the Times". .:. Next post: the time picture collage. | (0) comments
Thursday, March 10, 2005
friendships
I usually never post IM conversations... but maybe it's because usually, the things I talk about aren't worth posting or shouldn't be posted. Today is an exception. .:. [01:51] grahss: that's funny hwo sometimes my visits up to seattle coincide with other outta towners that are nonholidays cuz it's like almost random [01:52] Unseen GC: yeah, that is kinda funny [01:52] Unseen GC: it's nice, tho huh? [01:53] Unseen GC: you can see more ppl at once [01:54] grahss: yeah definitely! it's alwways nice hanging out with peeps upt here [01:54] grahss: although chongsun, i've definitely lost touch with [01:54] grahss: i realize i really appreciate those friendships [01:54] grahss: like the low maintenance ones [01:54] Unseen GC: hahaha [01:54] grahss: where you don't have to talk with them or keep in touch with them hardly at all [01:54] grahss: but then you see them and it's all good [01:55] Unseen GC: heh, it's funny you mention that [01:55] Unseen GC: because Shiv and I had a conversation about that [01:55] grahss: oh yeah? [01:55] Unseen GC: yeah [01:55] Unseen GC: I was remarking [01:55] Unseen GC: that guys in general have more low maintenance ones [01:55] Unseen GC: because guys in general are low maintenance [01:55] Unseen GC: girls on the otherhand... [01:57] grahss: yeah it's soooo different [01:57] grahss: i think i'm like tha tmore with my guy friends up there [01:57] grahss: well [01:57] grahss: more or less [01:57] grahss: but then it's harder with the girls [01:57] grahss: fo sho [01:57] grahss: so i understand that things change, people move on and whatnot [01:57] Unseen GC: yeah [01:57] grahss: but for those girlfriends of mine up there who i can be like that with i especially appreciate [01:58] Unseen GC: it kind of odd I suppose [01:58] Unseen GC: that when people become friends [01:58] Unseen GC: it just sorta happens naturally [01:58] Unseen GC: and when people stop being friends [01:58] Unseen GC: it sorta just fades out [01:59] Unseen GC: unless there's some sort of dramatic incident [01:59] grahss: hah [01:59] grahss: yeah [01:59] Unseen GC: but that never happens to me [01:59] grahss: hopefully it woudl't happen to most people at our age but sadly, it still does sometimes [01:59] grahss: i didn't realize until recently that my friendships were defintiely in large part due to convenience [01:59] grahss: like i'd like to think i was different than that [01:59] grahss: but.. [02:00] grahss: not really [02:00] Unseen GC: yeah [02:00] Unseen GC: though I think the friends I've made at UW [02:00] Unseen GC: and through church [02:00] Unseen GC: are definitely more lifelong friends [02:01] grahss: yeah... your church friends.. some of them literally lifelong too [02:01] Unseen GC: haha, yeah [02:02] Unseen GC: at the same time, it's weird to be both close and have that low maintenance thing [02:02] Unseen GC: Shiv was telling me how it's weird that my best friend and I [02:02] Unseen GC: usually only talk like once a week or once every couple of weeks [02:02] Unseen GC: but we still feel as close to each other as when we lived together in school [02:03] grahss: haha [02:03] grahss: yeah joe is like that too with some of his closest friends [02:03] grahss: they're so tight, but they won't know the day to day [02:03] grahss: it's almost like assumed [02:03] Unseen GC: yeah, I can't explain it [02:03] Unseen GC: it's sorta paradoxical [02:04] Unseen GC: men sorta form certain bonds of brotherhood [02:04] Unseen GC: and if I consider someone a good friend [02:04] Unseen GC: he or she will always be considered a good friend [02:05] grahss: yeah... haha it does seem like that [02:05] grahss: like salvation [02:05] Unseen GC: heh [02:05] Unseen GC: good analogy [02:05] grahss: but with girls.. it's like catholicismn [02:05] grahss: where we have to work damn hard for that position!! [02:05] Unseen GC: hahahaha [02:06] Unseen GC: so true [02:06] Unseen GC: why is that? [02:06] Unseen GC: enlighten me [02:07] grahss: gosh, i have no idea.. [02:07] grahss: i mean... [02:07] grahss: i'd like to think that i'm not really a typical girl [02:07] grahss: BUT i know that i'm defintiely like that in some ways too [02:08] grahss: it seems too rash to say that girls are just needier [02:08] Unseen GC: but that's what you think? [02:09] grahss: i don't know that i could explain it [02:09] grahss: which is really weird [02:09] grahss: cuz i usually feel pretty confident in expalining stuff like that [02:09] grahss: relational stuff [02:10] grahss: i think my initial response woudl be that guys and girls are just wired differently [02:10] Unseen GC: haha .:. Cheers to good friends... I'm glad I'm a guy. | (0) comments
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
I'm still taking pictures of time (watch, clock, etc. or however else you interpret that word)... just need a few more for a nice collage. =)
E-mail it to garrettchan (at) gmail.com. | (3) comments
Monday, March 07, 2005
olive you and i love you
I happened to eat at a tasty Mediterranean joint Sunday evening in Greenwood with Shiv called Olive You. Gotta love the pun. Shiv ended up eating a dinner plate, while I had tasty pita bread sandwich of roasted lamb, onions, bell peppers, and tzatziki sauce (yogurt & cucumber) with a beer. It was good. While Seattle does have a large number of cheap & good Asian food spots, it seems to be lacking in "cheap & good" restaurants for other kinds of foodfare... I guess that's probably to do with the demographics of the city. Anyway, Olive You is definitely a hole-in-the-wall, family-owned place. The first time I happened to walk by there with Shiv, the friendly owner greeted us and gave us some free samples of stuffed, pickled olives. We ended up buying some olives from the deli and some really tasty dolmades - spiced rice stuffed into rolled grape leaves. I need to buy more of those next time. .:. So my lesson on Saturday night to high schoolers on "how do you know if you like someone? / love" went well... at least that's what they say to me, haha. Starting it off with the clip from "My Sassy Girl" turned out to be good start since a few of them have already seen the movie! Man, the only foreign movies I was watching in high school featured kicking, punching, Shaolin monks, and evil ninjaz. They're all really smart kids, so when I'm talking to them, I really feel that I'm just pointing out things that they already know, but maybe only on a subconscious level. Some principles I wanted them to carry away with them: 1. We have to separate the popular culture's ideas about love from God's idea. 2. God is the origin and our model for our ideal of love. 3. It's easy to like something; it's hard to love someone. 4. Love is not a feeling, it's a choice. 5. If we aren't filled completely with God's love, we can't truly love ourselves. And if we can't truly love ourselves, it will be difficult to love others. Easy to write down... but a little bit more difficult to live out, right? I had them examine 1 John 3:16-18 and Romans 5:6-8 in small groups with some guided discussion. Much more interesting than me lecturing them the whole time, I think... .:. photographical A rogue AA studies TA had the excellent idea that I should do a user-submitted photo collage. So send me a picture of time - your watch, a clock, etc. or however else you want to interpret my response. E-mail it to garrettchan (at) gmail.com. I'll post the results late tomorrow night. | (1) comments
Sunday, March 06, 2005
BALLS
Sam: Hey, I recognize you. Andrew: Oh, did you go to Columbia High? Sam: No, not from high school, from TV. Didn't you play the retarded quarterback? Andrew: Yeah. Sam: Are you really retarded? Andrew: No. Sam: Ooh, great job man! I really thought you were retarded. I mean, you're better than that Corky kid and he's actually retarded. If there was a retarded Oscar you would win, hands down, kick his ass! So I finally saw Garden State. I was entertained. If my life was ever made into a movie, I have feeling it'd be a lot like this movie, except with all the interesting parts removed and replaced with more irony. That and I'm not from New Jersey... ...though, parts of the Renton / Kent 'burb and some of the people that live here are a lot like Jersey. And in all the bad ways. .:. observation is key Mysterious writer / blogger Rain recently has been doing photo collages from reader submitted photos. I sent in a picture of my keys and it appears here. Can you guess which one is mine? | (5) comments
Saturday, March 05, 2005
yellow peril, 2005
In the WASPy, privileged minds of the American powers that be, you can always count on evil Asians lurking about, whether they be North Koreans, Chinese, or *gasp* our own citizens, like Wen Ho Lee or James Yee. But wait, weren't the charges against Wen Ho Lee and James Yee dropped? Weren't they proven innocent? Hell yeah. You bet your arse they were. So you can imagine my skepticism about new charges of espionage against another Chinese American man, Howard Hsy, who holds both dual American and Taiwanese citizenship, and is from Bellevue. I don't know all the facts of the case, but for many Chinese Americans like myself, common sense would seem to dictate - why would any citizen from Taiwan want to be involved in selling MILITARY technology to the PRC? Duh. I suppose it all goes back to a general attitude of contempt that many of the people in this country have for foreign countries in this current political climate... but if the USA wants to move towards developing a real peace in the world and spreading positive democratic change, it needs to learn to respect China and other countries. (Thanks to AngryAsianMan for the link.) Mark my words... any future war with China is gonna result with Chinese Americans getting thrown into internment camps like the Japanese American community during WWII. Better start planning that move to Hawai'i or Canada right now. | (1) comments
Friday, March 04, 2005
insomniac
I used to be so good at falling asleep... now I'm horrible at it. Sleep has now become like the stray sock that's missing after a load of laundry. I can never find it when I'm looking for it and it'll probably turn up when I least want it. These past couple of weeks have been especially bad, but I can't just blame WoW, side projects, or a lack of fiber in my diet. I suppose if I was shelling out money to somebody like a "counselor", they'd probably just say I have "underlying issues" and that I need to just "get over it". Good thing my cheap Chinese self has decided that self-medicating is both cheaper and easier to do... .:. why it's better to be Husky than a Cougar I can't believe I missed reading this in the Seattle Times. From AngryAsianMan.com: So, over at Washington State University, a couple of Cougars basketball players�freshmen Alex Kirk and Robbie Cowgill�are being accused of making racial taunts and "insensitive gestures" at an Asian American student employee in the school's Multicultural Center (oh, the irony is not lost on me): WSU president assails harassment of students accused of misconduct. The employee says the players were among a group of students who would regularly pass by her window and make animal noises and gestures, and one pulled back the corners of his eyes to make "slant eyes." Y'all know what I'm talking about. That's racist! But after reviewing the accusations, the school's conduct board has found that there was "insufficient evidence to support a finding of harassment," and concluded that "the behavior, although repeated, was not harassment under the university's code of conduct and was not racially motivated." This is ridiculous: WSU students cleared after conduct code violation allegations. I <3 the AngryAsianMan site. Props to the operator for staying on top of the news. I think most Asian Americans in Washington state have a good idea what it's like out in Eastern Washington... how can you trust a region of the state that regularly has incidents of abuse involving Native Americans and Latino Americans? Of course, things aren't always so nice out west either... | (0) comments
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
they called the love doctor and got me instead
No WoW for Garrett today. I spent pretty much of all of it trying to polish my lesson for this Saturday at church - for some crazy reason, I've been asked to speak to the high schoolers at BASIC on the topic of "How Do You Know If You Like Someone?" / "Practical Advice About Dating". Considering that my own experiences in the realms of romance are rather limited, I guess it's a bit strange to giving a talk about the subject like I'm an expert or something. At first, I almost contemplated scaring them / shaming them with graphic charts of the human anatomy and lists of statistics about teen pregnancy and divorce, but I've decided to take a much more light-hearted and funny approach. It suits my personality better anyways. My current presentation plans call for a clip from "My Sassy Girl", a passage from 1 John, group discussions, and Power Point. Whoohooo! | (3) comments
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone. -"Solitude" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox  I finally saw "Old Boy", and I'm both disturbed and in awe of the twisted brilliance of this film. Friends Jeff and Joe hyped the movie so much that I was afraid that I'd be disappointed... but I wasn't. This movie is not for everybody - in fact, I guarantee a lot of people will hate it if they see it, probably because of the violence and the themes. For myself though, it definitely was entertaining to watch. But this is coming from a person who also enjoys the bleakness of movies like Fight Club, Se7en, and The Limey. The premise of the movie is this: a man named Dae-su is locked up for 15 years in a room and doesn't know why. During the time, his wife is murdered and he's framed for killing her. When he's finally released, he sets off on a mission of bloody revenge to find out why. The movie is very, very dark... there's almost a Hitchcock-esque atmosphere to the whole mystery that Dae-su is trying to solve. The lighting and camera work do an excellent job of showing an atmosphere that reflects the darkness of the main character, Dae-su. The acting by the lead actor is pretty well done, showing the craziness that could have only developed after 15 years of solitary confinement. The violence is graphic and messy, but it's done for a purpose - a sort of visual enactment of the Dae-su rage at being imprisoned. And when the themes of the movie are revealed... hell, they're dark too. The ending is a little bit predictable (I guessed the twist), but wraps up the movie is an OK way. .:. don't get mad, get even For most men in general, I think the themes of anger and revenge resonate a lot more than they do with women. Do guys get pissed off a lot more than girls? I'm not sure, but speaking for myself, when I feel really wronged, anger is what flows out the easiest. I'm not one to sit down and cry... my mind immediately starts spinning for ways to pay people back. Both my parents had tempers, so I suppose I can partly blame my genetics for my hot blood. Over time though, I've grown to become more laidback about things. I suppose that's a combination of spiritual growth, faith, and just plain gettin' old. I'm more patient than I used to be, but I guess the danger of being more patient is that my anger tends to slowly collect. When my threshold for tolerance has finally been breeched, I can't help but explode. And when I say "explode", I mean, clenched teeth, furrowed brow, whitened knuckles, and mouthful of screaming obscenities on the tip of my tongue. I have to constructively channel my anger into physical expression to get it out of my system... running or counting to 10 doesn't help. I used to go outside my house and chop wood in the backyard. Or really just let loose on when I used to free-spar in kendo. That's right... my rage can make me handy with an axe or with a sword. What Bruce Lee called "emotional content" in fighting... I never had a problem summoning it... | (1) comments
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in?scrip?tion (n-skrip-shun)n.
the facts.
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