now i'm just scratchin the surface, cause what's buried under there/
was a kid torn apart once his pop disappeared/
i went to school, got good grades, could behave when i wanted/
But i had demons deep inside that would rise when confronted/

now all the teachers couldn't reach me/
and my momma couldn't beat me/
hard enough to match the pain of my pop not seeing me/
so with that disdain in my membrane
Got on my pimp game/
f*ck the world, my defense came
-Jay-Z "December 4th (remix)"

I'm not the biggest Jay-Z fan, but I like the lyrics... been listening a lot to this song, which you can download courtesy of mr akito. March is the month of my father's passing, so I find I think a lot about him during this time... almost as much as during Christmas.

But i had demons deep inside... Yeah, I got alot of demons deep inside.

I'm hoping to visit his grave when I'm back State-side and unofficially, I'm hoping to return around the end of March to Seattle for Ryan and Siska's wedding, but... I have to wait for my holiday request to be cleared at work before I go buying plane tickets... cross your fingers.

.:.

I ventured out today with the full intention of going to church, something I haven't been able to do in a long, long time because of the fact I didn't have Sundays off until now.

I don't know many churches here in Kobe, so made my way to one of the ones I first went to when I first came here in Japan way back in September. As I got near the church though, I felt something rather odd... I can't explain it really other than to say that it was the feeling I get that I can't really describe other than (displacement).

Maybe it was partly because walking near this church, made me little homesick for my church back home - of course not the building, but the family and people that are CBC. I don't really know what to make of things as they are now, but I suppose it's that I miss not going to a place where everybody knows my name...

The funny thing about church attendance is that while a strong person of faith will without a doubt regularly attend a church, the reverse is not true - a person who regularly attends church is not always a person of very strong faith. So where does a PK like me (born & raised under a sanctuary) who now finds it difficult to set foot inside a strange and random Christian churches, fit in? Hard to say.

I ended up just standing out the church and listening to them sing for awhile, before bouncing to the internet cafe, where I caught a sermon through Mars Hill. The wonder of technology.

.:.

After listening to the sermon, I took a test I found on James' blog. The result leaves me feeling somewhat emasculated and maybe even... insulted? Ugh, am I really the BND?

The Boy Next Door
Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLDm)

Kind, yearning, playful, you are The Boy Next Door. You're looking for real Love, a lot like girls do. It might not be manly, but it's sweet.

We think the next three years will be very exciting and fruitful ones for you. Your spontaneous, creative side makes you a charming date, and we think you have a horny side just waiting to shine. Or glisten, rather. You enter new relationships unusually hopeful, and the first moments are especially glorious. If you've had some things not work out before, so what.

On paper, most girls would name the Boy Next Door as their ideal mate. In the real world, however, you're often passed over for more dangerous or masculine men. You're the typical "nice guy:" without just a touch of cockiness, you're doomed with girls. A shoulder to cry on? Okay, sure. But never a penis to hold.

More than any other type, Boys Next Door evolve as they get older. As we said, many find true love, but some fail miserably in the search. These tarnished few grow up to be The Men Next Door, who are creepy as hell, offering backrubs to kids and what not.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Nymph
CONSIDER: The Maid of Honor, The Peach

Somebody kill me now... I demand a re-count.

.:.

I'm starting to become one of those people I hate, the kind that only updates their blog at irregular intervals and never writes anything interesting. Bah, I really need broadband internet at home, but something about those J-girls with their plastic smiles and red bags... scary.

Ever have the feeling that you are the architect of your own unhappiness? It's not that hard, really... in fact, just making no effort to do anything at all is good enough...
posted by G at 11:58 PM   | (0) comments

pyromania, oh my.

My obligatory, funny English language teaching story of the day from work:

"I like fire", Mrs. K said in her stereotypically happy, Japanese housewife cute-voice.

I could feel my left eyebrow raised.

Ummm... could you explain a little more, Mrs. K?

Mrs. K smiled, innocent as ever. She apparently had completely failed to notice the strange expression my face was now making at her. The neurons in my brain fizzled and popped as my mind briefly wondered how widespread pyromania was here in Japan, the "safe country". I felt the urge to glance for the nearest fire extinguisher.

I like fire... I made a big fire this last weekend!

Both eyebrows were raised now. Mrs. K kept smiling, oblivious as ever to my reactions.

Riiiiiiiiiight.

After some more questions, turns out Mrs. K is a big fan of building bonfires to cook food, especially sweet potatoes. Her and her husband went to a park in Ashiya this last weekend, and built a fire by the river.

It's probably better to say, "I like to build bonfires for cooking food". I quipped in my "kind English teacher voice", as I tried to suppress a laugh.

OK! Mrs. K nodded vigorously. Ah, sweet and gentle old Japanese houswives... who woulda thunk. This week, it's pyromania... next week it's going to be kleptomania or collecting fingernail clippings.


.:.


As promised... pictures from Shiv, Mel, and Kristie's visit:


Me, Shiv, Amy, Kristie at Ninniku-Ya, a famous Japanese restaurant (chain) specializing in garlic cuisine. Yum!


Amy and Kristie playing the taiko drum video game.


Me and Shiv playing this tamborine game. I sucked hard, but that's because Shiv told me my height was 1.2 meters and it messed up the height sensor. BOOO! Damn metric system conversations... I ain't that short.


The whole crew at Universal Studios Japan in Osaka, in front of the brand-spankin' new Spiderman ride. It was so cool, we rode it twice!


Cartoon character hats... Chilly Willy, Woody Woodpecker, Cookie Monster, and Elmo. I (for obvious reason) am the Cookie Monster and unable to make a normal facial expression.


Shiv and Konatsu (Little Summer), my host fam's granddaughter.


Shiv, me, Konatsu, Mai (Konatsu's mom), Mrs. Wajima, and Mr. Wajima at the tofu restaurant


Shiv getting to play dress-up... my host fam gave her a yukata (basically a summer kimono) as a gift.


Kiyomizu Temple in Kyoto. Shiv looks smiley here, but she was really hungry... bad BF was on the menu (he forgot to give her lunch before the 20 minute hike to the temple). A strategically placed udon noodle stand on the temple grounds saved me from cannibalism.


Even Jizo gotta rock a beanie when it's cold in Japan.


Long view of the Kiyomizu Temple complex. Fantastic place.


My favorite picture, even if it looks like I have a fat face...

All in all, it was a great time. I'm glad Shiv, Mel, and Kristie came to visit.


.:.


I've decided this is going to be an especially long entry to the blog. Oh well.

Steph recently mentioned that the future to her lately is a not-so-happy thing and I can sympathize. Why is it for our generation, for our group of "young adults", that the future is a thing of oppression?

The world is still a mess, if not worst... we have Big Brother-ish security in America, mostly focused on non-white minorities, AKA people like me, while at the same time, our hawkish administration pisses off many of our major allies. The Israeli-Palestinian conflict has gotten ridiculously worst with Israel building a nutty wall, and Arab countries continually manipulating the suffering of the Palestinian people as an anti-Western tool. North Korea and Iran might have nukes, and both have itchy fingers. There's gay priests/ministers in several major "Christian" denominations, and gay marriage is next on the agenda... I suppose child pr0n and bestiality will likely be de-criminalized soon after. Scientists have cloned human embryos, and already starting test-tube baby-esque experiments, right down to gender and characteristic selection. BSE, chicken flu, and SARS still are lurking about. All signs of the coming Apocalypse, eh?

On a more personal note, I and my contemporaries have graduated into one of the worst economies in recent history and huge numbers of people are jobless. I have to live with the fact that social financial institutions will most likely collapse because of Republican AND Democratic incompetence, meaning that I will have no money for retirement or medical security.

On and on and on... things are so incredibly bleak in the world, I'd go nuts - my cynicism is held barely at bay by the anchor of my faith that says no matter what, somehow and in someway... God has purpose for everything, as uncomprehensible as His design may seem.

It's in my nature to be laidback about things, but maybe the recent visit of Shiv and the Seattle friends have all brought the future back to the forefront of my mind. At the moment, one of the great pleasures of life here in Japan is that I am afforded the luxury of just concentrating on the job at hand and not paying much attention to the future. It's easy to live day-to-day, your life scheduled out and your adventures being limited to merely what you eat for lunch or what color tie you wear to work.

Having Shiv visit me recently here in Japan allowed me to add another layer of happiness to that schedule - when your best friend is around to laugh with you, lean on your shoulder, and just be with you, it makes the experience all the more richer.

But every vacation is temporary; just an escape. In some of our private moments, Siobhan and I had probably had some of serious discussions about the future... mine, hers, ours, and especially the M-word. And as much as we both care about each other, being realistic about the future means that for the time being, our lives must deal with the fact that I'm still in Japan and she's still in Seattle.

God called me here for a purpose I'm still struggling to discern, while Shiv and everybody else that still remains at home in Seattle also has their own personal spiritual questions to grapple with. I contemplate my own questions daily.

When will I return home? What will do when I return to America? Go back to school? If so, what will I study? Or should I work? If so, where and doing what? Or am I being called to seminary? If so, where and for what purpose?

For people who place their faith in God, I believe the most difficult concept to integrate in one's life is the knowledge that God has a plan and purpose for everybody who trusts in Him. It's easy to exist... to eat, sleep, and breathe is all that is necessary really for that. But I believe that to exist as God intended, is to live with a purpose.

While we can know that in general, the plan and purpose God gives us will be to both glorify Him and serve our fellow man, the specifics, the nitty-gritty, exact details, for most people (myself included) are left in a difficult and vast gray area.

I have the faith to hope for so much, that within time, that which I need to know to move forward with my life will be revealed to me by God... but even of the faith of this preacher's son can be fragile at times. Some days, it's secured by a chain of Heavenly-inspired confidence that nothing can shatter... other days, it dangles by a thread so thin that it would snap under the smallest misfortune.

The day Shiv left to return to Seattle, I turned to the daily calendar she made me and I found this verse... which of course, cannot be mere coincidence:

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it, the men of old gained approval." Book of Hebrews 11:1-2 NASB

Hope can be a slippery thing to hold on to. But my future depends on it.

.:.

Song of the moment: What Am I to You? Norah Jones
posted by G at 4:08 AM   | (0) comments

home visits me

Living here in Japan, it's easy to forget that life for everybody else back at home is still going on. I try to read the news, I try to read friends' blogs, and respond to e-mails... but the truth is that I can't be thinking about being home in Seattle 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The result would be one of two undesirable outcomes:

1: I become so homesick for home that I begin to hate life here in Japan and I'd mope around all day like death-made-flesh.
2: I become so completely absorbed in life at home that I become unable to even function here in Japan.

Not too good, either way.

.:.

So of course, at the moment, I'm happy that I get the best of both worlds. Shiv, Mel, and Kristie are visiting here in Japan, and I get a taste of my old life back in Seattle right here in Kansai area. Things have been pretty busy... a quick rundown:

-Friday 13th: Shiv and Mel get into town; I work at Itami.

-Saturday 14th: I work at Ashiya, but before work, I have lunch at "The Don" with them (I kid you not, that's the name of the joint). I enjoy a bowl of kitsune-udon, free of Tommy guns, pinstripe suits, and the Mafia. At night, I took Shiv and Mel to a reggae club Osaka, where we met up with Selman & his girl, Michelle, her sister, and friends. We stay out until the first train.

-Sunday 15th: Sunday morning to early afternoon is spent recovering from Saturday night... at least, I spent it recovering, heh heh. In the evening, Shiv and I met up with Kristie and Amy Nishi(mura) at HEP 5 for dinner, after an attempt to go see "Return of the King" is rendered un-doable do to the fact all the tickets are sold out. Then again, it was opening weekend (the movie opened on Valentine's Day).

-Monday 16th: The five Seattle friends (me, Shiv, Mel, Amy, Kristie) go to USJ (Universal Studios Japan) and see lots of 3D shows, most of which were ho-hum after we saw the brand-new Spiderman ride (which of course, was great!). So great... we rode it twice. Heh. =)

At night, we caught a showing of "Return of The King". Whoohooo! A good end to the series.

-Tuesday 17th: Shiv and I got to visit a Japanese kindergarten and see some early child education, Japanese-style. Lots of similarities to school in America, with the exception of activities being pretty structured, non-competitive, and very group oriented. I saw a couple of ideas I'm gonna steal for my own kids classes at work. I'll write later how that turns out.

At night, Mr. Wajima took Shiv and I out with Mrs. Wajima, Mai, and Konatsu to a nice restaurant in downtown Kawanishi called "Ume no Hana" (lit. "The Plum Blossom). The specialty of the joint was tofu cooking... boiled, fried, stewed... you name it. Good stuff.

-Wednesday 18th: Shiv and I went to Kyoto today, and walked around Gion area. We also got to visit Kiyomizu-tera Temple... very nice.

Boy, I don't feel too verbose at the moment. Maybe it's because Yodobashi camera is playing the "closing music". Bye-bye.

Pictures next time.

.:.

Ever written a letter like this to your father? I think most sons have.
posted by G at 3:52 AM   | (0) comments

oops, i did it... again?

Before I write anything else today, I must recount the following story:

It's around 6:00 PM and I'm teaching at MtoM (man to man) lesson. My student, let's call her "Y", is a nice, 16 year old girl who attends a Catholic school and works part time in a sushi shop with ambitions to save up money to buy a new brand-name purse. Way too stereotypical to even be real, right? Things only get more ridiculous in the space of a short conversation.

Y: I have a question about English... may I ask you?
Gar: Of course. What is it?
Y: What does "supposed to" mean?
Gar: Ah, good question. It means "should"... do you have an example sentence where you saw "supposed to"?
Y: Yes... "Baby, baby... how was I supposed to know?"
Gar: (tries to muffle a gag and laugh)
Y: Nani?!

Japanese Catholic schoolgirls blasting Ms. Spears from their MD players... oh man. I spent the next half-hour of my lesson going over Britney Spears lyrics with Y. What a language wh0re of Babylon I hath become.

Teaching English has reached a new low... haha.


.:.


Is it just me or do all Korean women possess thug mug / mad dog / screwface powers beyond that of normal Asian women? Not to stereotype, but hey... it's gotta be that saucy Korean girlie temper...

Elaine and Michelle demonstrate. (pics courtesy of Michelle's niiiiice new phone.)



Normal mode AKA "Honey, I want to go shoooooooopping smile(s).":


(in Sannomiya, under-the-train-tracks shopping area)


.:.


Random firearm aficionado moment:

The deployment of the Japanese SDF (Self Defense Forces) has been big news here (duh). Of course, being the gun nut I am, the question I ask:

What are Japanese infantrymen carrying into combat?
American M16s? German HK G36s? Swiss SIG 551s?

Initial search was difficult, but after some Google-age, I learned it's a domestically designed and produced rifle designated the Type 89, which looks very similar to SIG 550 / 551 / 552 (a fine rifle). Note the distinctive delayed-rotating bolt mechanism above the barrel (very SIG or HK MP5-ish), and banana-style clip. It fires the NATO standard 5.56mm catridge.

A cool bilingual English/Japanese site with info about the SDF can be found here...


.:.


T-minus 3 days until Shiv and Mel come to Japan... wh00t!

Song of the moment: Jay-Z "December 4th Remix" (Thanks to Akito)
posted by G at 4:33 AM   | (0) comments

Tour Guide Duty

First and foremost on my mind: counting down the days until my heart from Seattle comes to visit me, and seeing the whole group of Seattle homies (Mel, Amy, Kristie).

I spent most of today bumming around the city of Kobe with Michelle, my company orientation buddy. Her sister Elaine is visiting from Vancouver BC, so the two of them + two nihonjin buddies met up with me. It was their first time seeing Kobe city, so we hit the usual spots people go to when they visit Kobe: Nankin-Machi (Chinatown), Motomachi shopping area, Sentagai shopping strip, and Santica underground shopping mall.

Yeah, lots of shopping, but hey... they're girls... haha. Selman also came out later to kick with us. We ate dinner on their way back home, takoyaki and okonomiyake at Umeda. Yum.

At present, I'm using my latest find... a free internet cafe in a mammoth electronics store called Yodobashi Camera. Filled with computers, cameras, stereos, gadgets, toys, DVDs, music... every man's dream. Entering its well lit halls is an open invitation to technolust, heh.

Tomorrow will be pretty chill.. I've decided to go on the grand adventure of...

...
...
...

...doing my laundry. (cue dramatic music)

It'll be off to the coin laundry with a book and a bag full of clothes.


.:.

News-age:

An interesting Seattle Times article on effects of over-testing in child education. If any country in the world is test-happy, is mos def Japan. While most children have excellent memories of facts, figures, and dates... the abilities of using ones imagination / critical thinking is sorely lacking.

My opinion is based on numerous English lessons with junior high and high school students... the following scenario often happens:

Gar: Imagine you have 100,000,000 yen. You have one week to spend it all and you can't give it away. What do you do?
Student: (blank look)
Gar: OK, maybe that is difficult. How about you have one month to spend it?
Student: (blank look)
Gar: OK, OK... what do you want to buy? Anything is fine.
Student: (blank look)
Gar: ...
Student: I want to buy a hamburger?
Gar: ...

No joke. Of course it's not every kid, but most poor kids have their imaginations beat out of them by the systems in place here...
posted by G at 3:53 AM   | (0) comments

Trains and beaning demons

Probably one of the most egalitarian things about Japan is trains. Everybody rides the trains because they're fast, reasonably priced, and they pretty much go anywhere you want to go. The fact that everybody rides them means you sometimes meet some interesting characters... (end story intro)

So I'm chilling at the train station Monday night, about to hit up a hip-hop jam at my usual spot PIZ, when a man wanders up to me and starts talking. I use the term "walk" very liberally, because the guy was obviously smashed AKA wasted, and half-stumbled towards me. Plus, he reeked of whiskey... normally, it's a good smell when it's coming from the glass that's been handed to me by a pretty bartender girl. But the smell coming off a guy... ummm, no.

Note, this entire conversation is Japanese. Or my wacky approximation of it.

Man: "Ummm, excuse me... where does this train go?"
Gar: "It goes to Amagasaki, on the Tozai line."
Man: "And where else?"
Gar: "Ummm... I don't know."
Man: "Really?!" (curses and then asks another question in Japanese I can't catch)
Gar: "I don't understand... sorry, my Japanese is not good. I'm an American."
Man: "What?! I don't believe it... a foreigner?! But... but you look really Japanese!"
Gar: "Haha. Yes, really... I'm actually Chinese American."
Man: "Ehhh... you must be lying..."

So drunk man and I ended up striking up a conversation as I helped him onto the train... he had some problems telling the difference between the door and the window, haha. His name is Shin, he's 28, works as an electrical repairman, has a wife and kid. He asked me if I was student and I told him I'm an English teacher.

He got off two stops later... hope he made home alright. Trains... funny.

- - -

Yesterday was Setsubun, a folk holiday here in Japan, but not a national holiday AKA no vacation / day off. Some information about the holiday can be read here.

Basically, it involves chucking beans at oni (demons to get rid of bad luck and get good fortune to come. You also eat the number of beans equivalent to your age; no more and no less.

Other local traditions from where I live, the Kansai area: eating a roll of uncut maki-zushi (a sushi roll) at once, pointing in the direction of north-east (the unlucky direction), and eating the roll without speaking... the superstition is that if you speak while eating the roll, your good luck escapes outta your mouth.

Here's a picture of one of the rolls in its nifty package:



My one thought: them demons must be serious pansies if they get scared off by getting hit by some beans. You'd think people would throw something more lethal like rocks, nails, or knives.

But given the drunken-ness involved in most Japanese holidays, throwing dangerous objects would probably not be a good idea.

"Here comes Uncle Yoshi's turn to throw the knives!"
"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"



Did I mention sometimes parents wear a demon mask and the kids chuck the beans at them? Yeah, rocks, nails, knives... not a great idea for some family fun...

- - -

Random news borrow from SJ:

Third Korean Female Student attacked in Vancouver BC; Possible Racial Motivation

Asianphile white boys... plenty of those here in Nippon. More on that at another date...

From the NY Times:

Does Japan want to compete?

- - -

To the homies:

Cora: Thanks for the birthday / Xmas presents, kid. Music, book, magazines, candy... what more can a man want? =)

Reg: Thanks for the book, dawg... hilarious stuff. Some therapeutic laughter...
posted by G at 2:59 AM   | (0) comments

Finally... February.

January has come and gone, and now it's February... wow. February marks the beginning of my fifth month here in Japan and I can scarcely believe how swiftly the time is passing. The list of things I want to visit and see here in Japan is still pretty long... better get cracking.

I haven't gone siteseeing anywhere for about three weeks, but I suppose I can postpone for a little... the Saturday homies will be arriving shortly, in about 3 weeks time. wh00t! Some of the stuff I still really want to check out:

-Atomic Bomb Museum / Memorial @Hiroshima
-Kiyomizutera Temple @Kyoto
-Himeji Castle @Himeji
-Chinatown @Yokohama
-Roppongi Hills @Tokyo
-Shinjuku @Tokyo
-Okinawa
-Hokkaido

So many places, so little time... *sigh*.

.:.

Another secret dream of mine... LEGO Master Builder! As a kid, the sound of LEGO bricks hitting each other as I moved them around in a bin, trying to fish out the piece I wanted... beautiful music to my ears.

.:.

News monkey:

In case you though what I wrote before was just speculation... UN Panel Urges End to Discrimination Against Korean Children.
posted by G at 2:24 AM   | (0) comments

in?scrip?tion (n-skrip-shun)n.
1. The act or an instance of inscribing.
2. Something, such as the wording on a coin, medal, monument, or seal, that is inscribed.
3. A short, signed message in a book or on a photograph given as a gift.
4. The usually informal dedication of an artistic work.
5. Jeremiah 31:33