Wednesday, November 08, 2006
leading on or being led on?
Moi-moi said the fortune was prophetic... at least until she opened up another fortune cookie and got the same fortune. Haha.
Some people have been blessed by God with a clear indication of their destiny and purpose in life, along with the confidence to pursue it... on the flipside, other folks such as myself have instead been assigned the more foggy, grey, and twisting path to meander / wander / blunder through. I've been doing it for over two and half decades, and I'm still getting used to it.
It's been about 7 months since it happened, and admittedly, it's another addition to my own inconsequential list of personal tragedies. In about 12 days though, I'll be finding out whether or not my current career plans will be taking the route I was hoping for. Friends and family have been very supportive of me, trying to encourage me that things are a "slamdunk," but the cynic in me is already wondering what will happen if things don't go quite as planned. I've fooled myself too many times before that things were going to be OK and they weren't.
There's a strange loneliness to being afraid of one's own foolishness.
I've tried to focus my mind on various other tasks, situations, and distractions, but even when I'm engrossed in doing something else -whether it's work, wedding planning, watching a movie, being a nerd - I feel that uneasiness lingering in the background, marinating in my brain juices. Sleep is getting restless again for all the wrong reasons.
Time for a nightcap. Or two.
Hey Gar, yeah...that's one thing about life. No matter how good we do or how poorly we do, we'll never know where we'll be led.
I don't know who the people in charge of your future are. But, what I do know is that you can't gain anything by worrying. You still have 12 days to give them all you got.
One thing that I must say is that you have a great heart. You care and that means a lot in this indifferent world. If you are accepted as a teacher, then I'll know that this world will be better off. If you're not, then I'll know that they made a mistake.
I know that this is no consolation, because you need a job. But, if you look at Steve Jobs, the president of Apple computers and who created Pixar, he was fired from Apple, the company which he created. But he went on to do great things like create Pixar because he got fired from his company. He even became a high exec in Apple again. Anyway, I'll email you the commemoration speech that he gave at a college if I can find it.
Okay dude, I don't know what you're feeling right now, but I hope that you'll get some sleep and not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Listen to the words of JESUS. heh. Okay, I must be tired. heh. Anyway, I'm sure that you know where it is in the Bible that I referenced. Man, I'm getting rusty.
One thing that I want to say lastly, is that it's not over yet. Regardless of what happens, life does not end, unless we give up. I'm sure that God has great plans for you. I don't know why you have harder experiences than most of us, but I do know that you are a greater person than most people I know. And I think that it's because of you overcoming so much hardship. Not that that's any consolation, but I do think that you are a great person. I can't predict the future, but I'm sure that things will be okay. Not that things will be easy, but because you will be able to overcome them.
Jon-Post a Comment
Thx man. Funny enough, I was gonna e-mail you and say some pretty similar things. I've been following your Japan blog and I know you've been having lots of "adventures" (heh). ;)