Wednesday, May 17, 2006
a book with no words on the pages
I can't think of anything to write... still feeling a bit like I'm running on empty.
Within the (all too familiar) discomfort of this limbo, I'm still trying to process the events of these past couple of weeks. I suppose a better person than I would have already dealt with the disappointment and pain of it all in a more constructive and quicker manner than I have, but some moments, I really do feel completely at a loss for what to do. I try to browse classified ads on Craig's List, watch a movie, read a book, cook... still, I'm haunted by the failure. Haunted by its addition to my long list of shortcomings. One moment, my mind is marinating on the broken scraps of my hopes while others are probably enjoying success; in other moments I'm just staring off into space... completely devoid of sentient thought, like a big carrot or the entire roster of *NSTINK.
I swear I'm not high, though I plead the 5th in relation to my consumption of fermented beverages... it seems to be the only thing that helps me sleep these days.
It would be callous of me to neglect to mention the care that friends have shown me in the past few weeks. Maybe I'm more worst off than I'd care to admit, and they see that perhaps this latest episode in the series of disappointments in my life (especially in the past 5 years or so) might be the final straw that breaks the proverbial camel's back. The attention is both humbling and a bit unexpected.
At my Wudan-affiliated small group / Bible study yesterday, a friend was praying for me and prayed:
"LORD, we know sometimes you send us trials, and I don't know why [Gar] is going through this trial, but please help him be patient. Please guide him to use these circumstances for something good."
I appreciated my friend praying that.
Back to job hunting...
Because I need to laugh:
Star Trek Cribs.
Hilarious... you might recognize Spock's voice as being that of Charlie Murphy, of Chappelle's Show fame.
a book with no words on the pages...reminds me of Eureka Seven, which you might like. It's 50 episodes long and youtube is your friend.Post a Comment