Monday, May 16, 2005
hate it or love it, i'd just rather 1% of you go away
Another picture via zefrank's 'scribbler' that June posted, though this portrait of myself is courtesy of the artist fayecasso... though the jeers of "Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah!" seem a bit exaggerated, I found the juxtaposition of my traits of darkened angst and humorous absurdity to be quite thought provoking. Plus, I'm still trying to figure out what's on my enlarged forehead... gunshot wound? Lonely tuft of hair? A splotch of Gorbachev-esque proportions?
I'm still staring at it.
I have to preface this entry by saying that it will again be boring, but will actually be one of the very few entries in which I address you... yes, you, the reader! Sitting there, bored, probably slacking off from your work or chillaxing at home, picking your nose and doing God knows what with the preservative-laden snack you clutch in your free hand. This entry will concern you, the reader, and me, the subject of your visit to this page.
It's come to my attention that a small number of you have been behaving very badly when reading this blog. I'm sure 99% of you who read what I write on this are good and decent readers because for the more than 4 years that this blog has been around, I've rarely had any problems (except the A&F t-shirt debacle). In fact, out of the 80+ visits that this page gets every day, I don't know much about many of you except...
-45% use Firefox
-88% use a version of Windows; 11% use a Mac
-70% live on the West Coast; the rest scattered across the world
-40% come to this blog via a link on another
-most of you spend an average of 2.5 minutes looking at this page
How do I know these things, you might ask?
Psychic gnomes hopped up on bad shrooms. They're chained to my cable modem for the express purpose of tracking my internet traffic.
Seriously, the fact that I don't know the rest about you all doesn't bother me. The beauty of the internet sometimes is in the anonymous nature of it all. Ironically, it's the people that assume they know me that seem to be the source of my problems. I loathe to change this blog because it's one of the few things I have ownership of in this sad, broken world. It's completely my words, my thoughts, my feelings, my ideas... MINE. To change how I compose it would be to surrender those aforementioned things, and that is something I refuse to do.
To the dangling 1% of people who now are the focus of my wrath: this blog does not exist for the purpose of masturbating your egos by giving you a reason to assume that you think you can completely know me without me being aware of your rumor-spreading and gossip. If you don't like what I write, please don't even bother coming. I'd welcome your absence instead of dealing with the rudeness that is metaphorically akin to coming to my house, complimenting my carpet, and crapping on it. If some of you 1% folk don't have the common sense to read that I never left my church or that I didn't really murder someone with my barehands, you have ought to stop reading what I write. (not you Dennis, I know you understood it).
If you don't respect the integrity of my writing, I'd rather you'd kindly leave, or in the more eloquent, vulgar brevity of Internet-land: GTFO. I have the urge to reach my hands through your computer screen to pimp-slap you senseless. Or please feel free to dance blindfolded in rush hour traffic or imbibe several gallons of household cleaning agents.
I really don't care.
If you'd made this far, congratulations.
I may not have the power to tame birds or write moving stories of lost romance or contextualize theology or even adjust a pair of glasses, yet still you come and endure my tirades, blurry photos, random musings, and insane plans for world domination.
To the noble other 99% of my readers, I salute you and leave you with the following last insight into this blog. My apologies for having to read the previous paragraphs.
Awhile back (4 years back), a friend asked me about the reasons this blog was started. At the time, there were several, and the I divulged the easiest ones pretty readily - journaling via typing was easier for me than handwriting; an online blog enabled me to write anywhere (apt, work, school, home, etc.); I wanted to keep myself spiritually accountable and provide a way for members of a small leadership core of a group I was in at the time, UW AACF, to keep me accountable as well (Amy Nish, Ray, Grace, Anna, and spiritual mother, Christine).
But I had another reason for writing that I don't think I've mentioned until now. I've always written with the audience of myself and one other person in mind... a person whose identity is so obvious, I don't think I need to explicitly say his name. Suffice to say that the things I write to him still resonate with me today.
Back to the regularly schedule entries of laughing, yelling, pondering, and lamenting... be it here or at a new, ninja location.
Good day, dear reader.
Hey G, I can sympathize with you. Your blog is very personal and you post what you think and believe. I'm sorry that people have criticized you for posting your thoughtsstanding up for your beliefs. But then again, people will always try to get others to believe what they believe, so it will happen from time to time. Plus, people misunderstand often.
Anyway, try not to get upset by people who don't know you. A lot of misunderstanding happens because people just don't know others or see others as people, human beings. A question was asked in Sunday school class. "Why are Strangers strange?" We all know the answer...even though it is buried in our hearts and minds and sometimes doesn't come out.
I must say that I highly respect you because of your work/ministry and how you care for the people that you reach out to and know. You're right that people who read your blog and have never gotten to know you DON'T know you.
This is a fallen world. Christ is living, but he is only here in Spirit. All I can say is, we do have enemies, but God loves them just the same too. To those out in blogger land, I mean enemies not as in terrorists, but in people who are trying to harm us for being who we are. Sometimes people who try to help us actually harm us, because they're trying to help in the wrong way or with wrong ideas.
Anyway, I'm being general. I'm glad that you expressed your anger out in words where people can see them who are judging you. I must say that a lot of human culture judges the other. But for those who are Christian, they'll know this verse. Luke 6:37-38 and Matthew 7:1-6. If you look further down in Luke 6:27-36, then you'll see more context. This is part of the sermon on the Mount.
Anyway, I didn't write that last part for you G, because I know that you know that already. I wrote these things so that people who have never gotten to know you really don't know you. If they did, then they would really see that you are a GREAT and WONDERFUL person.
Anyway, this world is messed up.
love the blog highlights. 'tha rizen' and the homicidal dream are some of my favorites. :) keep that fist raised.
though the jeers of "Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah!"Post a Comment
the little tuff on ur head is a toupee...
oh wait, it was intended by me as wrinkle lines (the mystery as more interesting no?). i don't know what zefrank's intentions were though.