The Legend of Drunken Bah-Sturd...

Thank the Lord for a bumper crop of wines this year... I'm sip'n some homemade sangria, all thanks to a bottle of cheap Chilean cabernet melot I bought at Safeway. Besides the sexy, oh-so-hottie, less-than-$5 price, what attracted me to this particular red wine was the name... Gato Negro! Hahaha. Good stuff. I think I might have invented a new kind of sangria... mango juice and fresh orange slices mixed with the wine... THE BOMB! I'm almost done with the whole bottle. A good celebration treat to mark the end of living alone... the mother flies back this morning from HK.

I just got done with a night of war-crack... various 1v1 games and some fun arranged team 2v2 with the IIStix crew. Since Shiv is away visiting her siblings, I'm allowing myself to misbehave, bwahaha. Alcohol and latenight/morning video games... mmm, lots o' fun. I bet Shiv would scowl at me if she saw me right now... a big bum. Not drunk tho... my tolerance is a bit too high. But definitely the alcohol is keeping me warm... my damn cold house. heh.

But in all seriousness, when I think about things, I guess it amuses me. I mean, if one of the major differences between Siobhan and me is video games, I'd say life is pretty good. She actually doesn't hate video games, she's just a little more sensible in that she points out to me that yes, I shouldn't play in excess and neglect the other areas of my life. Shiv indulges me my little "habit" and I love her for it, heh. One of the many reasons I care so much about her and our relationship. I think past experiences have made me appreciate her a lot more as my GF.

I can remember my first "girlfriend" was my senior year in high school... which we all know is filled with rather fleeting relationships, and mine of course, was no different. Emiko (not her real name) was this tall happa girl (half Japanese half white) that I had known in passing through kendo before we started dating. She went to a different high school from me, so I never really saw her much... in fact, before our relationship, the most time I spent with her was on the floor, sparring or doing drills at practice (and yeah, she used to kick my azz... she was a sensei's daughter). At that time in my life, I was going to kendo practice about 2-3 times a week.

Anyways, I had never given much thought to having a girlfriend in high school. Sure, the thought would pass in my mind like "Daaaaaamn, it'd be nice if so-and-so was my girl", but I never did anything about it. I hated high school... hated dances, never went to any of them. So imagine my surprise when I get a phone call outta the blue...

"Hello, can I speak to Garrett?"
"Yeah... this is Garrett. Who's this?"
"It's Emiko... how are you?"
"I'm fine. What's up?"
"Ummm... uh... are you doing anything (some day in May)?"
"Naw, I don't think so... why, is there kendo practice that day?"
"No... ummm... would you like to take me to my Senior Prom?"
"!!! ..."

That's pretty much how it started... she asked me to senior prom. I was totally broadsided, I didn't see that one coming in like a million years. Emiko wasn't Miss America, but she was cute... long hair, tall, athletic, and not fat... not the person I would normally think that would have trouble finding a date. My guess was probably guys were intimidated by her dominant personality - her confidence almost bordered on bossy-ness, but personally I had always found strong-willed women to be attractive (that's still true today, Shiv has a strong will too, haha).

I don't really remember what I said exactly, but I muttered along the lines of "yes".

So I took her to her school's senior prom and we started dating shortly after. The words "love" or "committment" never crossed my mind, but I was like "what the hell" and went passively along with it. After all, what guy doesn't like being pursued by an attractive girl? Being it was my first romantic relationship, it was as much about gratifying my male ego as it was exploring the uncharted world of dating. I realize now that there was probably a strong part of me back then that felt the need to have a GF as some sort of justification or proof of my "manhood". Silly, huh? A lot of guys have that problem, I think... the need to have a GF just so they can feel like a "man".

We dated for 4 months after her prom and after the first month, I started to see problems already...

First, Emiko had never had an Asian American boyfriend before... she had dated a couple of white guys before, but along came me and for her, it was a sort strange trip I think, because she wasn't aware of certain cultural issues - things like family obligations or my attitudes at about certain racial issues. Then again, I think the fact that I was Chinese was a big plus to her... allowed her explore her Asian American identity, which had been fractured by a broken family (her mother had divorced her father and he had re-married). She was super-Americanized too... not Japanese or even Japanese American at all, so we had some culture shock incidents. But hey, at least I got to introduce her yum cha (dim sum).

Second, at the time I had just re-discovered my faith and was becoming a very strong Christian... Emiko was non-Christian. Her family was agnostic, and probably the closest set of spiritual/philosophical beliefs she had came from Zen Buddhism/Confucianism that is inherent in kendo. To her, being Christian was just going to church on Sundays... when other issues came up and I'd refer her back to my faith, that brought about small clashes. We never had yelling matches or fistfights, but there was always tension beneath the surface... at least I felt it.

One day, I finally sat down and thought to myself,"Can I really see any sort of future with her?" I knew the answer was an emphatic "no" before I even really contemplated the question. I had just sorta been floating around in the relationship because it was easier to maintain it then it was to end it.

So I wrote my feelings in a letter, said she was nice girl, blah blah, wrote about how I truly felt, and put the letter in the envelope. I invited her out to dinner at a nice restaurant and was quiet the whole dinner... she asked what was wrong and I broke up with her during the middle of dinner... I'll never forget the look on her face, the shock. I could have jumped up on the table and did the Macarena naked, and I think her face would have still not as looked as shocked as it did.

I made sure to drive separately so we wouldn't have the weird-ness "drive home in silence" thing, and I gave her the letter before we departed. A wise friend had help me plan that. She cried in the parking lot, hugged me, and asked me to change my mind. I didn't.

We didn't meet after that. Two weeks later, she sent me letter saying she appreciated my letter and understood my reasons. She said she wanted to drive by and break all the windows of my house until she read my letter. Whew, thank God I'm a writer.

Yeah, I'm a bastard. But the bastard I was then, made me the man I am today. Perhaps all guys have to have a messed up first relationship in order to successfully maintain a real one, eh?

When I think of what I have with Siobhan, I'm grateful. Sure, we don't have every single hobby and interest in common... I like hip-hop, she likes pop; I like watching fighting, she likes to watch dancing... but so what? It's easy for a person to change to new tastes or new hobbies... it's nearly impossible for a person to change their character, their personality and beliefs, much less expect somebody else to change.

Emiko and I shared a love for kendo, video games, movies... but it was would have never worked out, and as nice as she was, we clashed on issues of culture and faith - serious stuff. Siobhan doesn't do kendo, rarely plays video games... but she's kind to others, humble, loyal to her friends, loves her family, and is passionate about her faith and about life. I admire all those things, and she happens to have them all. She turns the cynic in me into an optimist.

I dated Emiko with all the wrong reasons, and finally ended our relationship for all the right ones. I sort of fell into dating Emiko and just chose to go with the flow... but I consciously chose to date Siobhan and I choose daily to love her. I guess I'm mature enough to realize that dating isn't a game... it's a serious business, this opening up yourself, spending time with somebody, and *gasp* - considering the possibility of living your whole life with them. I regret how I treated Emiko, how I never really was serious when I dated her, but at least we're probably both wiser from the encounter... like I said, in this case, the past makes me appreciate the present.

Wow, this was long entry. And my bottle's empty.

Nap time... picking up the moms in an hour.
posted by G at 7:53 AM   |

in?scrip?tion (n-skrip-shun)n.
1. The act or an instance of inscribing.
2. Something, such as the wording on a coin, medal, monument, or seal, that is inscribed.
3. A short, signed message in a book or on a photograph given as a gift.
4. The usually informal dedication of an artistic work.
5. Jeremiah 31:33